RESIGNED
by deetatarant
Summary: Ianto is dealing with the things that happened to him during Jack's absence and he isn't coping very well.   Set near the beginning of season two... not a 'year that never was' story though.
1. Chapter 1

**RESIGNED.**

It had been a long day, and Ianto was very tired. He opted to walk home, because he wasn't certain he was safe to drive. Not only because he was so exhausted, but because he felt angry and thoroughly fed up. He was pretty sure that he couldn't be trusted behind the wheel of a car right now. He didn't mind the walk home anyway even at this time of night, it gave him the chance to calm himself down and think through the day, clearly and objectively.

It was a bitter night, and with his coat pulled tightly around him Ianto strode through the late-night streets, head down and hands shoved deep into his pockets to protect him from the cold. As usual, he had been the last person to leave the hub. There had been a lot of clean-up to take care of after the incident with the sleeper agent. Not least of which was the scrubbing out the back seat of the SUV, because it had been covered with Jack's blood and if it had been left to dry the stench would have been unbearable. It was quite likely that the others wouldn't have noticed, they never seemed to pay attention to anything nowadays that involved doing something helpful like cleaning. Ever since Jack had returned from his trip away, Ianto had felt relegated back to the position of office boy, come coffee maker, come janitor. His significance as a field agent and an active member of the team was clearly irrelevant now. Ianto was frustrated by the fact that there was no longer a clear chain of command and he wasn't certain whether he should be following Gwen's instructions or Jack's. And the two of them relished the chance to argue and flirt at the same time, which was faintly annoying. Ianto resented it, and he was pissed off at himself for resenting it. It made him sound petty, and he didn't like that one bit. Unfortunately, Owen seemed to take great delight in bringing attention to Ianto's current feelings by teasing him and winding him up. The truth was Ianto was more than just tired. He had had enough. He wanted out, and now that Jack was back there was no reason why he couldn't go. The others did not need him and he was sure they could survive on instant coffee.

Ianto was startled to realise that he had arrived at his front door without even really noticing. He fumbled for his keys and let himself into his flat. It was a dismal affair. In another life it could have been a really flashy apartment, with new furniture and designer fittings. When Ianto had first come to Cardiff he simply hadn't time or the inclination to make it feel like home. Somehow, after Lisa's death, Torchwood had become habit and Ianto had abandoned all pretence of having another life. Now, he was left with nothing. He hung up his coat and wandered through to the kitchen. Instinctively knowing where everything was in the darkness he made his way around the cupboards and prepared himself a cup of coffee, relying solely on the light that streamed in from the street lamp outside the kitchen window. Mug in hand, he went to his bedroom to go to bed. As he got undressed he wondered how his life had come to this as an overwhelming sense of worthlessness washed over him. It was so powerful he was left feeling nauseous as he stood at the bathroom sink to brush his teeth.

It was time to change his life, time to move forward and let go all the terrible things in his past. Ianto had once believed that Torchwood defined him. He had once promised himself to make up for the deaths of Annie and Dr Tanizaki to allay himself of the guilt. He realised he would never get over that and no matter what he did their lives would always be on his conscience. He wanted to do what was right. He had always wanted to do that. And somehow, he felt he was beginning to lose sight of what was wrong and what was right and he realised that Torchwood made those terms even harder to understand. During the months of Jack's absence, the team had almost fallen apart and then somehow they had managed to find themselves again. It had been very hard on all of them, but somehow they had managed it. Now that Jack was home again, whatever it was that had held them together had disappeared. Ianto knew that this was entirely personal, and it was something that he could not resolve. He just wanted to go back to a time when he had never heard of Torchwood or cybermen and where he could do a normal job and have a normal life. These things were beyond him now, they always would be and Ianto understood that with such clarity he was left reeling and unable to decide what to do.

His nights were crowded with terrors that haunted his dreams, and his waking days were spent living in fear. He wished he could understand it and control it or better still make it go away. There was always retcon but Ianto knew that was not the answer, not for him anyway. He was too clever and would soon work it all out and remember all over again. It would just be a waste of time and effort, and he didn't see the point of that.

There was also the question of Jack and his unresolved feelings for the man. Ianto hated him and loved him in the same breath, and sincerely wished he had never met him in the first place. Jack had saved him once, consumed him, and then spat him out. Ianto understood, he really did, because Jack was just Jack, a creature beyond comprehension, beyond attachment, beyond everything really. It both confused and angered him and Ianto just wanted him out of his life, well that wasn't strictly true. He wasn't really sure what he wanted any more, and that was the problem really.

The hot shower was a welcome relief, steaming water, soothing, aching muscles, and a sore back and Ianto leant against the tiles to let it run over him. He closed his eyes and breathing deeply and evenly in an effort to try and calm down his tumbling thoughts and feelings. Tears escaped and Ianto found himself swallowing back sobs and biting on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from crying. His shoulders heaved and his gut tightened with pain, but Ianto remained silent and slowly collected himself, not wanting to let the emotions escape any further. It took him a moment to realise that there was someone standing in the bathroom on the other side of the glass. Somewhat startled he flung the door to the shower cubicle open and discovered Jack standing there. Ianto hissed with annoyance and turned off the tap. Jack handed him a bath towel.

"You weren't there when I got back to the hub."

Ianto hurriedly wrapped himself in the bath towel and stepped past Jack with a scowl on his face.

"I didn't know I was supposed to wait. Where were you anyway?"

Shrugging Jack followed Ianto to his bedroom. "I have things I needed to attend to, sorry, I just expected you to be there."

"Well, as you can see I'm here at home, my home, in case you'd forgotten, and you had no right to just let yourself in like that. You didn't ask me to wait, so I came home. You have a problem with that?" Ianto's tone was icy.

Jack frowned. "Sorry, you've never complained about it before."

Ianto stormed through to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. "Before what Jack? Before you left? Before you got back? What? You think you can just piss off and then come back whenever you feel like it? Well I'm sorry, you can't, not here. This is my home, unless of course there's something you need me to do at work. Like making your coffee or putting the files away, perhaps?"

Jack gaped at him. "Jeez, I guess I should go then."

Ianto nodded. "Yes, I guess you should, and I'd be grateful if you left my keys behind."

"It's the spare one for emergencies."

"Is this an emergency, then Jack? Am I dying on the floor? Are you dying? Is the world about to end? No, I guess not. Funny that. Don't take liberties. This is my downtime, my time, not yours or Torchwood's."

Jack really wasn't sure how to react, Ianto had seemed his normal, amiable self earlier in the day. He walked to the front door and opened it.

"I'm sorry, I upset you. I just thought it would be nice if we could talk that's all. I guess I was wrong. I know you're angry with me for leaving, but I've been back a few weeks now..."

"And you've still to apologise to us for running out in the first place. Or tell us where you were and what you were doing. And maybe it doesn't concern us, but I would have liked to think that you trusted me enough to tell me at least something. I was clearly mistaken."

Jack sighed and closed the door and facing Ianto with a stern look on his face. His eyes blazing.

"Don't you dare, don't you dare throw that in my face. After all the secrets you kept you have no right to throw that accusation at me!"

Ianto backed off the pace, feeling somewhat vulnerable in his near naked state.

"What do you want from me, Jack?"

"Nothing now. I'll be on my way. I'll see you in the morning." He turned and left slamming the door behind him. Ianto glared at it and huffing in exasperation he went back to his bedroom and got into bed. He took two sleeping tablets with his lukewarm cup of coffee and sank into a restless sleep.

Jack was stunned. He really had not expected Ianto to react in such a manner. He practically stomped back to the hub, and when he got there he sank behind his desk and pulled out a bottle of Scotch from the bottom drawer. He understood that Ianto is angry with him, but had not anticipated him being so cold. As he poured himself a measure of single malt he found himself wondering what had actually happened to Ianto during the time that he was away. Since he had returned all Jack wanted to do was put the sorry experience behind him. It hadn't occurred to him to consider just how deeply affected the others may have been by his absence and part of him wondered if any of them actually remembered aspects of that year that never was. Perhaps that was what was wrong with Ianto. Jack shuddered at the thought, and then quickly put it aside. Surely, if Ianto remembered then he would say something, if not to him then maybe to one of the others. But the Doctor had fixed everything hadn't he? Jack slugged the contents of the glass, the amber liquid burning down his throat as doubt gnawed at him. He resolved to talk to Tosh in the morning. If anyone would know about what had been happening to Ianto then he was sure that she would.

Jack sank back into his chair and scrubbed his hands down his face. He was suddenly feeling the weight of that year, bearing down on his shoulders and pushing him down into the ground in an attempt to bury him. He shuddered, angry that the Master had done so much damage not only to his soul, but to his spirit as well. Jack honestly thought he was over it by now. He had spent three months on the TARDIS healing, the Doctor refusing to let him go home until he was well enough to cope with the terrible things that had happened to him. If Ianto had gone through even a quarter of what he had experienced then he had every right to be angry and upset.

Tomorrow, he was determined to find out what was wrong with the young Welshman and to sort it out for him as quickly as he could. He owed Ianto that much, and in truth, wanted to give that much. He really had come back for Ianto, and perhaps he hadn't shown him that as well as he could. The dynamic of the group had clearly changed in his absence and Jack was wondering if they would have been better off without him returning.


	2. Chapter 2

**RESIGNED PART TWO**

Jack was immensely relieved when Ianto stepped in through the cog door at his usual time. Part of him had half expected for the young Welshman not to arrive. After their argument the previous night, Jack had fully expected for the younger man to simply not bother coming into work. Even a quick glance in Ianto's direction, told Jack that things were still not well with him and Jack resolved to get to the bottom of the problem. He watched as Ianto went straight to the coffee machine to start the first round of drinks for the day, and it made Jack realise that perhaps Ianto had been right, maybe it was time to get someone else to make the coffee. Or perhaps they should consider taking it in turns, making it more of a team effort to look after one another. He could imagine Owen's response to that.

A moment later, Tosh came in. She tugged off her coat and settled herself at her terminal, turning to smile in Ianto's direction, Jack heard her greet her colleague with a gentle hello. Shortly after a cup of green tea was placed at her elbow and Ianto perched on the edge of her desk and the two of them began to talk in hushed tones. No doubt Ianto was telling her about the argument he had had with Jack the previous night. Jack's fears were confirmed when he caught Tosh glancing in his direction, and he hurriedly looked away. He went back to his desk and began sorting through the paperwork that needed attending to. It wasn't long before Ianto, entered his office and placed a mug of coffee on his desk. Jack looked up and smiled.

"Thank you Ianto."

The response he received was not altogether reassuring, Ianto merely gave him a curt nod before leaving, closing the door behind him. Jack leant back in his chair and sighed, he really needed to sort this out.

Ianto went back to the coffee machine to fetch his own mug, he decided he was going to spend the morning in the tourist office, partly to get away from Jack, but also so that he could make a few phone calls in private. He really didn't want Jack, overhearing, and it was easy enough to turn down the volume on the monitoring CCTV. As he stepped past Tosh he paused.

"Is there anything else that you need Tosh?"

"No thank you Ianto. Are you going upstairs?"

Ianto nodded. "Yes, I really need to tidy up in there. It's a bit of a mess. Not really very good for our public image. Anyway, it means I can catch up with the invoices in peace and quiet. I also want to get the requisition orders completed today, you know what it's like when Owen is always late with his orders."

Tosh smiled at him. "It's nice that you look after us so well."

"I'm glad you appreciate it. And for you, Tosh, anything, you know that."

Toshiko watched her colleague, as he left the room, his shoulders slightly slumped. Tosh wondered what was wrong and what the real reason for Ianto's argument with Jack had been. She knew that Ianto had only told her half the truth. He wasn't half as good at hiding his feelings as he thought he was, she had come to know him quite well, over the last few months and liked to think that they were friends enough for him to trust her. Tosh glanced back in the direction of Jack's office and decided to find out for herself what had actually happened.

Jack looked up and gestured for Tosh to come in the moment he heard her knuckles on the door. He offered up his best smile and gestured for her to sit down in the chair in front of his desk. Toshiko sat tugging her skirt down over her knees.

"Can I get straight to the point Jack?"

He nodded. "You're going to ask me about Ianto, aren't you."

"What's going on, Jack? He said that you argued but he wouldn't elaborate. He's pretty pissed off that you entered his flat, without his permission."

"Yeah, I didn't think it would be an issue. You know, he and I well, you know, we had this thing going before I left. I just kind of assumed I'd still be welcome, but clearly I'm not. It wasn't just that Tosh there is something bothering him and I don't know what it is. I spent the night going through all the reports from my time away, because I thought maybe something may have happened, but I can't find anything. Did something happen to Ianto, while I was away?"

Tosh was frowning, she couldn't think of anything specific. "He was upset that you left Jack, but I don't think anything happened. He just carried on and took over a lot of your duties whilst Gwen took charge. He came out on Field Ops with the rest of us, but since you've been back that hasn't happened anything like as much. He's drifted back, and to be honest, none of us have stopped that from happening."

"You're certain nothing happened?"

"So far as I'm aware, nothing Torchwood related anyway. He has been absent a few times, going off to visit family, he said. Owen reckons he was dating someone, but I don't think so. He would never talk about it, but then Ianto never talks about anything that's personal. You should know that better than any of us Jack. All I can say is that whilst you were away Ianto was always here before any of the rest of us and was always the last to leave. Sometimes I don't think he went home at night. He worked very hard to prove himself worthy, he didn't need to, but he did it anyway. I'm not sure Jack. I just know that he was a stronger man, more able and much more forthright with his opinion. And we used to listen to him. He's my best friend Jack and I feel as though I have let him down."

Jack smiled at Tosh, she was such a wonderful woman. "You haven't let him down Tosh. If anyone has, then it is me. But I am convinced that something has happened and I don't know what it is, and I know I need to put it right, because I think I will lose him if I don't, I think Torchwood will lose him and we can't afford that."

Tosh averted her eyes from his gaze for a moment she shrugged awkwardly, and then plucked up the courage to ask what had been on her mind. "Did you really come back for him Jack? It's just that he really does have very intense feelings for you and I saw the look on his face when you told him that you had come back for him. Remember? It was right before, you said you came back for all of us, the first day you were here, when John turned up."

Jack did remember quite clearly, every word that he had said not only to Ianto, but to Gwen as well. "I did come back for him, Tosh. Last night I was hoping to talk to him about it, but he didn't want to listen, perhaps I should have tried earlier. I asked him out on a date, and we haven't done it yet and I'm pretty sure that it's not gonna happen now. I don't think that our argument was really about that. I am certain that something happened to make him angry with me, something other than the fact that I disappeared. I wish I knew what to do."

Toshiko outstretched a comforting hand, resting her slender fingers over Jack's wrist. "Try talking to him again Jack and when you do make sure you listen to him. Don't interrupt him, don't demand anything. Just listen. I know Ianto can be very stubborn, and it is very difficult to get him to talk about anything at all. But deep down, I know he trusts you more than anybody else. He told me once that you saved him, that you made him realise that there was something left for him to live for after Lisa. He said it was the hardest thing forcing himself to get up each day. He also told me that you saved his life because he had tried to kill himself while he was on suspension. I had no idea that he had taken an overdose during that time. He hid his pain so well. The fact that you are here proves that you want to be here and I am relieved about that because although we managed without you, it is always easier to do this work and to live this life with your presence amongst us." She gently squeezed his hand and then rose to her feet. "One thing I know for certain Jack, this place would fall apart without Ianto here, because he does so much and we never notice. He is like the foundation of this place, and we would be stupid to let him go because we didn't care enough to find out what was wrong." Tosh smiled. "Go talk to him, Jack."

Jack nodded. "I will Tosh. In fact I shall do it right now, wish me luck."

Toshiko held up two sets of crossed fingers. "Good luck."


	3. Chapter 3

**RESIGNED PART THREE**

Jack found Ianto in the room at the back of the tourist office, he was bent over a cardboard box, apparently sorting through all the leaflets ready to be thrown into the recycling. Jack stood in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest and watched Ianto work he was uncertain as to whether Ianto had noticed his presence there or not. Ianto continued to work and Jack did wonder if he was being deliberately ignored.

"Is there something you need Jack?" Ianto straightened up and tugged on his waistcoat before facing Jack.

Jack couldn't help but draw in a sharp breath at the sight of the young man standing before him, slightly dishevelled with the sleeves of his dark red shirt rolled over his elbows. Ianto had no idea how beautiful he was, and Jack realised he would have to tell him one of these days.

"I was hoping we could talk, we haven't really had the chance or made the effort since I got back. I know you're angry with me. I also know it's not necessarily about my disappearing act but what happened to you while I was away. I just want to try and put things right Ianto."

Ianto met his earnest gaze and sucked in a deep fortifying breath. He looked down at his hands which were full of out of date leaflets from the tourist office and with a sag of his shoulders he just let them drop to the floor.

"Nothing happened to me while you were away. Other than the fact that I had to deal with your mess. Three words Jack. Flat Holm island."

Jack closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. How did you find out?"

Ianto watched as a flurry of conflict and emotions swept across Jack's face and when the man opened his eyes again, he looked deeply sorrowful. Ianto really didn't know what to think he just knew what he had to say and it was going to hurt however he said it.

"Helen. She rang the office, I was manning the hub, while the others were in Nepal. None of the staff had been paid. I had no idea who the hell she was. There was nothing on any of the Torchwood records. So naturally, I was very concerned. We were having enough trouble with Harold Saxon. I just thought maybe it was some kind of trick. So I got on a boat and I went out there. I don't have the words to describe what I saw, and I appreciate that you were trying to do the right thing, but you abandoned them Jack. You just ran away and forgot about them. I never thought you capable of such a thing. I had no idea where the funding was coming from. So I paid Helen and the staff out of my own money and ended up having to remortgage my flat to cover all the other expenses. I didn't know what else to do. And then I had to start diverting funds from within Torchwood and lying to my colleagues about what I was doing with the budget." Ianto was rigid as he spoke and Jack's arms had dropped to his side. It surprised Ianto to see him looking so diminished.

"You didn't tell the others?"

Ianto directed his gaze to the floor between his feet. "For some reason, you kept this from us. I don't know why, but I trust your judgement on the matter and I kept your secret. I know that nothing can be done for those people but you know, what makes me really angry?"

Jack shook his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. "You mean there's more?"

Ianto looked into his face. "I don't understand, I just can't help but think that perhaps if Lisa had been sent there. Instead of, well, instead of what happened. Maybe she would have stood a chance with time. Perhaps we would have been able to find a way to help her. You never even gave me the option. While you were away, I found another victim. His name is Jonah Bevan. I think you should go and meet him, and I also think you need to go to Flat Holm and apologise. Have you been back there since you returned?" Ianto blurted it all out in a fury, his whole body shaking.

"No. I hadn't heard from Helen so I just assumed everything was all right. It's the arrangement that we had, she would only contact me if there was a problem. And I would only contact her if I had to bring in another victim. It's better that way, less risk of them being exposed."

"I suggest you make that trip Jack, today if you can. You have a lot to make up for. You also owe me almost £120,000. I'd like some money as soon as possible otherwise I'm going to lose my flat."

Once again Jack nodded. "I'll get your finances sorted by the end of today. And I promised to ring Helen and arrange to visit first thing tomorrow. I truly am sorry Ianto, I am not going to apologise for leaving, but I will apologise for not telling you about this beforehand. I did consider it because I thought it would be good to have somebody that I trust, taking care of things while I was gone. It's all I can say."

Somehow, Ianto wasn't surprised. He felt disappointment. "Was it worth it Jack? Did you find what you are looking for?"

"I did get some answers, not the ones that I wanted. The Doctor told me there was no way to make me normal. He actually tried to run away from me. I can't tell you how much that hurt, and now I realise that I did the same to you and for that I have a great deal of regret because I was selfish and didn't consider the consequences. You have to understand, I had been waiting for over 100 years in the hope that he would be able to fix me and make me human, I want to be mortal like you and I know now that will never be." Jack huffed out a tired sigh.

"I can't begin to understand that Jack. I am finite, if I'm lucky, maybe I will get to 30 in this job. I have to work in the here and now it's all I will ever know. I am sorry for you, but there's nothing I can do to make it any easier. These things that you do, the fact that you care enough to try and save these people. Surely that is human kindness. Even your selfishness in leaving is human. You may not be able to die Jack, or stay dead, or whatever it is that happens to you, but you are in the here and now and you have taken on these responsibilities. So you have to see them through, even if it means handing over to somebody else."

Jack watched the younger man's face closely, wondering how it was that Ianto knew so much. His youthful face belied the fact that his soul seemed so ancient. Ianto was a veritable walking paradox, and Jack realised that everything Ianto said was true. Ironic really, considering how much he had lied in the past. Jack hitched an awkward smile.

"Will you help me?"

Ianto frowned. "I don't understand."

Jack took a tentative pace forwards and reached out his hand to take one of Ianto's in his. He was grateful when Ianto put up no resistance to the contact.

"Help me remember the here and now. Don't let me drift. I need an anchor. You understand better than anyone and I trust you to make sure I do the right thing. I don't want to forget what it is to be mortal, because if I lose that understanding I will be lost."


	4. Chapter 4

**RESIGNED PART FOUR**

Ianto chewed at his lower lip, Jack's plea had taken him by surprise. He knew it shouldn't really, that somehow the idea of the reality was two different things. Jack had never struck him as being one to apologise and yet here he was bearing his soul and it struck Ianto with all the force of a speeding train. However, Ianto was going to be resolute. He had already made the decision to leave it was merely a matter of telling the rest of the team. Part of him was extremely nervous, because Jack could easily demand that he take retcon in order to wipe the last three years from his memory. Ianto hoped that Jack trusted him enough not to do that. He swallowed nervously.

"I'm sorry Jack. I cannot do what you ask. The truth is, I was planning on resigning."

Jack stared at him, in obvious shock. "What?"

Ianto shuffled his feet and resumed chewing at his lip. "I've had enough Jack. Too much has been taken from me. I want to leave."

"Oh, I see. I knew that things weren't okay, between you and I, but what about the others, Ianto? They are your friends, they trust you and they need you. Your work here is important. I mean, what will you do?"

Ianto shrugged. "Live my life? Well, maybe start a new one anyway. I don't know who I am any more. Since joining Torchwood, everything I did I did for Lisa. After she died, I did everything for you, and then I ended up waiting for you, because you ran away. I defined myself here, and then I realised that there isn't anything else, and it took your departure to make me see that. The thing is, that after you left, I became something more important. I felt like I had a purpose here and now that you're back. I don't. I feel like I've been demoted again, and I know I haven't. It just feels that way. But after I found Flat Holm I didn't know what to do, and I hope I did the right thing and seeing those people there made me realise just how ineffectual I really am. It's like Owen said, putting a sticking plaster over a gaping wound, but it's worse than that. We really have no idea what we're doing, or how to control what the Rift chooses to do. I am scared that the choice that I make will kill someone again. I already have three deaths on my conscience. I do not want any more. We are all inadequate to the task, there needs to be more of us with skills like Tosh. I'm sorry Jack. I just can't do it any more."

"You're wrong about that Ianto, you are one of the most capable people I have never met. Your attempts to save Lisa were only misguided by your love for her. But what you achieved to keep her alive was extraordinary. More importantly, you refused to give up, even when she turned against you. Your gift is your compassion, your strength of character and your unwillingness to back down even when things are against you." Jack squeezed Ianto's hand more tightly now afraid that if he let go then Ianto return and leave. "I believe in you and I know I don't say it nearly often enough and perhaps I should say more, but I know you. You would only blush, dip your chin and look highly embarrassed by the compliment. Please reconsider, I will beg if I have to because I do not want to lose you."

Ianto attempted to pull his hand away from Jack's grasp, but Jack held on.

"I can't Jack. I'm sorry. I just want to go, perhaps, just give me some time away so that I can think about it. Will you let me go away and think about it?"

"Do I have a choice?"

Ianto shook his head. "I promise to think about it carefully, away from here without distraction. I need time out. Just let me get my head together, let me get my life back in order. A few weeks, Jack. I haven't had a day off for months. I need that time, so I can figure out who Ianto Jones is and what the hell he is supposed to do. Can you give me that?"

"Yes, I can give you that."

"Thank you Jack. I know this is not what you wanted, and I can't promise that I will ever be ready to come back, I wish I could." Ianto gently eased his hand from Jack's grip. "It's just that, if I decide not to come back. I need to know whether or not, you are going to retcon me, you know it's what the rules dictate."

Jack was shaking his head. "I could never do that to you or anyone else on this team. I would only do it if you asked me to. I know I can trust you, you're not any kind of threat."

Ianto took a deep shuddering breath. "Okay, right, well. I should just put my desk in order and then I'll be on my way, if that is all right with you."

Jack could only sigh and shake his head again. "It isn't all right at all, I don't want you to go anywhere, but I have to let you sort yourself out and if you need the space to do that then it is yours. I can't hold your place open indefinitely, though. It would not be fair, on the others to work for a prolonged period of time, with a member of the team gone."

"You should have thought of that before you ran away." Ianto turned away from him, and bit his lip as angry tears ran over his pale cheeks. "I need to get this finished." He bent down and started stuffing things back into the box he had begun to unpack.

Jack shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and stepped backwards a couple of paces, realising the conversation was now closed. He wandered away back in the direction of the hub, taking a quick glance around the tourist office as he went. It would never be the same here, without Ianto present and Jack was dreading the younger man's final decision, because he felt certain that Ianto would not be coming back.


	5. Chapter 5

**RESIGNED PART FIVE**

The team gathered in the board room, minus one Ianto Jones. Jack sat in his customary place at the head of the table with his hands clasped in front of him and looking decidedly dejected. Toshiko watched him with concern and Owen was glancing around the room wondering where the Tea Boy had got to, but it was Gwen who spoke up first having seen Ianto leave the Hub an hour previously.

"What's going on Jack?"

Jack met her enquiring look with a flashy and none too reassuring grin.

"Ianto has requested an extended leave of absence, so he'll be away for a few weeks."

Three shocked faces met that statement.

"Do what?" Owen demanded, now looking in the direction of his boss. "What have you done Harkness?"

Jack sighed. "I haven't DONE anything Owen. Ianto needs some time out and having looked at his logged hours of the last few months it's hardly surprising. He's asked for some time off, is that so unusual?"

Owen's eyebrows were in his hairline. "This is Tea Boy we are talking about Jack, Ianto never takes time out. Is he sick?"

There was a shake of the head. "No he is not sick, unless you count exhaustion, stress and Torchwood sickness syndrome. He needs a holiday and time to gather himself." Jack replied, trying to be calm. His team clearly didn't believe him.

"Is he leaving us Jack?" Tosh asked quietly.

Jack faced her and his shoulders sagged. "I'm hoping I have convinced him not to." He said finally.

Gwen was fiddling with her engagement ring. "What happened Jack?"

Jack leant back in his chair and scrubbed his hands down his face. "He's just feeling a little overwhelmed, undervalued and wondering where the hell his life has got to. He's angry with me, for reasons I am not going to go into, needless to say his faith in things right now is at a pretty low ebb. He just needs some time. Other than that you will have to talk to him yourselves. Meanwhile, whilst he is not here I will need you Tosh to change all of the security protocols and log Ianto out of the system."

Toshiko nodded, knowing that the procedures would have to be followed no matter how much she didn't like it. She rose from her seat.

"Does he still have his Torchwood mobile?"

Jack shook his head and slid Ianto's Nokia across the table towards her. "Look after it, he can have it back with the new updates when he returns."

Toshiko took it and left the room, closing the door behind her.

"I should swing by his place and check he is ok, medically." Owen said finally.

Jack shook his head. "I'd leave him be for a while Owen. He doesn't want any of us communicating with him for a few days. We can track his movements through the usual means if you deem it necessary, but I'd rather we just gave him the space he clearly needs right now. After everything he's been through, hopefully this will help him heal."

Owen and Gwen were not convinced and Gwen resolved to keep a close eye on the situation whether Jack liked it or not. Part of her was annoyed with Ianto, for not coming and talking to her, but then he never had, even after Lisa and BrynnblaiddIanto had only ever talked to Jack about how he was feeling. Of course Jack had been away for seven months and Ianto seemed alright all through that time. Something else must have happened.

Owen was scowling. "You can't expect me, as his doctor to just sit back and take that as your response Jack. He is my responsibility and that includes his mental health, how do you know he's not going to go off somewhere and top himself?"

Jack balked, that thought hadn't even occured to him. "Don't be over dramatic Owen. Ianto is fine."

"Yeah right, obviously. It's obviously something you've done to piss him off, he was fine yesterday."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Owen, leave it."

Owen merely glared at him. "Is that an order?"

Jack narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists. "Don't force me to make it one."

Owen snarled and lunged out of his seat and went to the door. "You're a Tosser Jack." He left the room leaving Gwen to gape in his wake. She turned to Jack.

"Is he really ok Jack?"

Jack shrugged. "What do you think? Do you seriously imagine that Ianto wouldn't be here if he was fine?"

"No, I suppose not. Is Owen right though? Is it about you and him?" She hoped that it wasn't somehow, she wished she had exclusive rights to Jack's feelings, she had missed him as much as everyone else when he had left, had become engaged to Rhys because she believed that Jack would not be coming back. Now he was here and Gwen wanted him but she wanted Rhys as well, the best of both worlds. Ianto stood in the way of that. But Ianto was someone she cared about a great deal, the one member of the team who had stood by her when she took over in Jack's absence and her thanks for that support had been woefully inadequate.

"That is none of your business, now if you don't mind I have things I need to see to. I shall be out of the Hub for the rest of the day, only call me if there is a real emergency." Jack stood, knowing he had to sort out some banking before close of business for the day. He wanted to get the finances settled with Ianto as soon as he could.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTW

"Hi Rhi, it's Ianto. I was just calling to say hi really. I'll try again later."

Ianto hung up the phone with a sigh and wandered through to his kitchen. Emma was there preparing vegetables for her dinner. A flat mate hadn't been Ianto's first choice, but now that Emma had been renting his spare room for a month, he couldn't really imagine the place without someone else being there. Emma was a medical student in her third year of training; she was quiet, clean and friendly company on the days when she was around. Ianto went to his coffee machine.

"Would you like a brew?"

Emma beamed at him her dark eyes sparkling with delight.

"I thought you'd never ask. Would you like me to cook some for you?" Her Irish accent was a smooth gentle lilt and Ianto found he liked the sound of her voice as much as her unassuming company.

"What are you making?" He was getting mugs from the cupboard.

"Things in a pan with noodles."

Ianto smiled at her. "Sounds great, yes thanks. It'll save me doing some later."

Emma got back to her chopping. "So how was work?" She didn't see the younger man very often and he was always impeccable and not in his current hoodie and jeans.

Ianto shrugged, he rarely talked about work and hadn't even bothered to fabricate a lie to cover for it, having simply told her he'd signed the official secrets act so he couldn't discuss the finer details. Emma was more interested in juicy gossip though.

"Oh, you know. I'm on leave for a while. The boss has given me a month off."

She raised her eyebrows. "Wow, a whole month? What will you do with yourself?"

Another shrug and Ianto poured coffee beans into the grinder. "I was thinking of a long holiday somewhere, but to be honest I am not sure that's what I want. I'm looking for another job anyway."

Emma dumped a pile of mushrooms into the pan of sizzling butter and stirred them about. She was curious but understood her landlord come housemate was a very private person; she'd had to provide three references before moving in and knew they had been checked as well. Ianto had struck her immediately as being a rather sad and lonely person and whilst he was cute in his own way, he wasn't her type. Her own boyfriend ran a bar in Swansea and he was loud and vivacious, she needed loud. Ianto reminded her of her little brother who had died whilst on foot patrol in Afghanistan and she was desperate to know what it was Ianto did for a living with his strange hours and official secrets. She was however, shocked by his declaration.

"I thought you liked your job?"

"I do….. I did. I don't know really. I think I need a change. I'd like….."

He was interrupted by the doorbell and abandoning his task Ianto went to answer it.

Jack was stood there in his great coat, hands shoved deep into the pockets, with a deep frown on his handsome face. Ianto failed miserably to hide his sigh.

"Jack."

"May I come in?"

Ianto reluctantly stepped aside. Jack strode past him and headed in the direction of the kitchen, but Ianto grabbed his arm and steered him into the lounge. Jack could hear someone else moving about the flat.

"I'm sorry, you have a visitor. I won't keep you long." He turned and faced Ianto who looked so young dressed casually as he was.

"No, it's ok. It's just Emma. I had to get a tenant to help cover the mortgage."

Jack gave him a guilty look. "Sorry, that's my fault."

Ianto nodded. "Yes, it is. You wanted something?" Ianto just wanted this conversation over with and Jack gone.

"Yeah, I transferred £150,000 into your account this afternoon."

Ianto opened his mouth, closed it and then opened it again. "You don't owe me that much Jack." He finally said.

"Yeah, well. I figured it might help with the apology. I also spoke to Helen. I shall be going out there this evening. But I came by to tell you that you have been logged out of the system in the Hub and all the security protocols have been changed."

Ianto felt his gut clench at that, but he knew it had to be done. Somehow it made things final for him, perhaps even easier and now that he had the money he could literally just go, anywhere he liked. He looked at Jack, realising that he was staring at him intently.

"Ianto?" Jack sounded worried.

"It's fine Jack. I can ring you at the tourist office when I am ready to come back."

It was clear that Jack wasn't convinced. "You're not coming back are you?"

Ianto sucked in a steadying breath. "I agreed I would think about it Jack. It would be wrong of me not to and if I decide not to come back I will explain to the others. I owe them that much. I'd recommend searching for a replacement though, whether I leave or not, an extra member of staff would be useful."

Jack shook his head and stood up. "I guess I should leave you to it then. Don't be surprised if the others come by to see you, they have questions and Owen is convinced it is my fault, which I guess it is."

Ianto shrugged. "It's not just about you Jack, you know that."

"No I don't, not really." He shoved his hands back into his pockets. "I suppose I will hear from you sometime. Let me know if you want to talk."

Ianto got to his feet and cautiously bent forward to give Jack a brief kiss on the cheek.

"Look after the others Jack and take care of yourself."

Jack nodded. "I will, you too." He wanted to reach out and hold the younger man, but restrained himself from making the contact, not sure whether or not it would be welcome. Instead he stepped past the younger man and left the room.

Ianto squeezed his eyes shut when the front door was heard to close a moment later and tears leaked down over his pale cheeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**RESIGNED PART SIX**

Suddenly he had time on his hands. For the first few days Ianto busied himself with cleaning out the flat. He sat on his couch going through his correspondence, Lisa's remaining possessions and shoved most of it through the shredder or bagged it up to be thrown out. He went through his wardrobe, and ditched three older suits and a heap of shirts that simply didn't get used anymore. Other things just reminded him of Lisa and they went too. By the time he was done he had filled six bin liners and taken them down to the Salvation Army and everything else had gone down to the local tip. His flat felt bare, there were no personal touches aside from a couple of photos on his dresser in the bedroom, one of his sister's family, one of Lisa and the only picture he owned of his mother.

At the end of the fourth day he sat on the edge of his bed and gazed about his half empty closet and impersonal room and found himself wondering once again who he was. He tried to think of things that he liked to do and see and came up blank. Sighing Ianto lay back on his bed with his hands clasped behind his head and he stared at the ceiling. It took him a moment to register the fact that Emma was standing leaning against the door frame.

"Wow, you finished sterilising the place?" She said with a smile.

Ianto sat up and returned a weaker smile. "I guess. Sorry I should have warned you, I get a bit OCD sometimes."

Emma folded her arms. "You should redecorate, put your stamp on the place."

Ianto looked down to the carpet, and discovered he had never liked it since moving in.

"You know what, I think you're right, but I don't know what I want to do with the place."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Typical man….. start with your favourite colour and go from there, get some magazines or something."

Ianto looked up at her and shrugged. "It's the first time I've had a chance to even think about it."

"That I can understand, given the hours you were working. Time to get a life, if want my opinion, what are you 23, 24? You should be out clubbing and having loads girls or boys over. The only visitor you've had is that old bloke with the funny coat."

Emma was surprised to see her housemate burst out laughing and it took him some moments to gather himself.

"You think he's old? Yep, he's that alright."

Somehow she understood. "Oh…. Shit sorry. Is he the reason you're taking some time out? Don't tell me you're shagging him?"

Ianto could only blush and look away. "Was. Months ago. He left and then came back expecting me to pick up where he left off."

"I hope you told him where to shove it."

Ianto shrugged. "Not exactly."

"You're hung up on him? God, Ianto you could do so much better. Most of my class would happily have you, what are you doing wasting yourself on an older guy like that?"

She watched the younger man sigh and pick at his nails. "Because despite what he did, he's a good person and you don't choose who you fall in love with."

Emma shook her head and came and sat beside him, feeling him tense as she put a comforting arm over his shoulder.

"That's not all of it though is it? There's more to tell, I saw a lot of those clothes you got rid of belonged to a woman."

Ianto nodded, but didn't attempt to move away. "Lisa. She died just over a year ago. She and I….. well you know. I still miss her and the life I could have had with her, I suppose it's only really just starting to sink in. Jack helped me through all that and then we became involved and then he left me to be with someone else. Unfortunately he's also my boss."

"Oh dear."

Ianto nodded. "Exactly."

"So will you go back to your job?"

"I don't know, I really don't. I like my job. I even like my colleagues, I'd go so far as to call them my friends. It's not exactly a run of the mill sort of job."

"No, I gathered that. I hear about Torchwood at the hospital…."

Ianto frowned at her. "How do you know?"

"That SUV kinda gives it away."

"Yes, I suppose it does. I did suggest toning it down."

"So, what's the plan then?"

Ianto stood up and surveyed his room. "Well I guess I shall repaint the flat. I hope you don't mind the disruption."

"Not at all. I can always do a couple of days in Swansea and I could help with the wallpapering, my dad showed me how to do it."

"Thanks. Fancy a take away for dinner tonight?"

"You paying?" Emma was pretty broke.

Ianto looked down at her and smiled. "Yep, my treat."

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Jack shoved the document aside with a sigh. Paperwork was never fun at the best of times, but without Ianto there to assist, it was absolute torture. He leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs out to ease the stiffness of underused muscles. Things had been quiet over the last few days and now Jack was getting fidgety because he hated it when things were too quiet. He needed exercise of the running around, adrenalin pumping variety and it had been in short supply. He'd actually been able to send his team home at reasonable times and he had spent the evenings kicking around the Hub totally unsure as to what to do with himself.

Before his departure Ianto had left a stack of personnel files on his desk neatly labelled 'Potential Replacements', Jack had done his best to ignore it for the first two days but when it became apparent that they really did need a secretary he had finally relented. Jack really did not like the idea of even considering replacing Ianto, but perhaps an additional member of staff wouldn't go amiss. He was accustomed to choosing his team members in his own time and in his own way and now Ianto was forcing the issue with him. Jack grimaced at the thought, being bossed around by an upstart Tea Boy, who wasn't even here and he was still making Jack feel guilty. Bloody Ianto Jones and his over efficient sense of duty, it was endearing and irritating at the same time. Jack wandered around the quiet Hub and began shutting everything down for the night. He decided he would go out, find a bar and something convenient to waste the night with, he needed to run off his excess energy anyway and without Ianto to pass the time with, well what was a guy to do?

Four hours later found him standing alone on the roof of the Millennium Centre, feeling frustrated and thoroughly annoyed with himself. He gazed over his city, the darkness prickled with stars and streetlights, as the cool wind whipped about his coat tails. He had gone out trawling the clubs for a cheap lay and ended up alone and feeling guilty for even contemplating easy flesh. Every fresh face had served to remind him that he had promised himself to do better by a certain Welshman, even though the man in question did not know it. He wanted to be a better person, being strung up and tortured for a year had taught him that much. He had watched said Welshman sacrifice himself to protect Gwen and Tosh, and it hadn't been an easy sacrifice either. Saxon had spent weeks working on every nerve in Ianto's body before he had finally died in Jack's arms in his filthy cell on board the Valiant. Ianto's final words had been a declaration of love and Jack had echoed them back, too late for young man to hear. Jack knew he couldn't afford to make that mistake again. He gazed in the direction of Penarth and Ianto's flat and suddenly came to a decision…..


	7. Chapter 7

**RESIGNED PART SEVEN**

Emma wobbled her drunken way to the front door, wondering who an Earth would be calling at this ungodly hour. She belched rather loudly as she yanked open the door and stood there blinking at the old man in the funny long coat. A second belch escaped her and the man flashed her an amused, shiny white grin which forced her to close her eyes against the brightness.

"Ianto, it's your funny friend, shall I let him in?" She leant heavily against the door and the man continued to smile. A moment later and her housemate was wavering at her side.

"Oh, God Jack….. Oh…. Yes, let him in."

Emma stood to one side and promptly landed her hefty boot on the socked foot too close behind her.

"Ow!" She turned to see Ianto double over and burst out laughing as the tall man in the coat, Ianto often spoke about the coat, stepped in and closed the door behind him.

"Ianto, are you drunk?"

Emma was laughing as loudly as Ianto now and both of them swaggered their way back in the direction of the lounge and plonked themselves on the chairs.

Jack followed them and carefully removed his coat and draped it across the back of the empty couch, before sitting on the end closest to Ianto. He spotted three empty wine bottles on the floor and one half empty scotch bottle on the low coffee table, next to two half full glasses. If memory served him correctly too much red wine, scotch and a certain Welshman of his acquaintance was not a good mix. He faced the two giggling housemates and it took some time for them stop snickering. Jack suddenly realised something.

"What do you mean funny friend?"

Ianto met him with a watery, unfocussed gaze and Jack briefly wondered if it was more than just wine and whiskey he had been consuming.

"Whoops." Emma stretched out her hand and grabbed her glass, draining the remaining contents in one deep swallow. "I think you're in trouble Ianto." She unsteadily rose to her feet and to Jack's surprise she gave him a leery smirk. "Don't do anything too naughty, boys, I'm right in the next room!" She giggled and lunged out of the room, pulling the door closed at her back. Ianto gaped at the space she left behind with a bemused expression on his face.

"Oh, must be bed time then." He said finally but he made no move to get out of his chair. To Jack's utter astonishment he just belched very loudly and then winced.

"Oh…. Think I've had too much to drink, that didn't taste too good." Ianto burbled and lurched forwards. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

Jack leapt to his feet. "Need a hand to the bathroom?" He grabbed at the hand that waveringly Ianto stretched out to him and hoisted the young man to unsteady feet. Ianto staggered against him and then Jack winced as he was vomited all over, down the front of his shirt.

"Why, thank you Mr Jones."

Ianto shrugged and heaved a second time and Jack moved back a pace as the carpet ended up looking like a piece of abstract art.

"I take it you had curry for dinner?"

Ianto nodded and then groaned his response. Jack manhandled him into the bathroom just as Ianto started singing 'Land of our Fathers' at the top of his voice.

TWTWTWTWWTWTWTWTWWTWTW

It was obscenely bright and Ianto sighed, turning his head away from the offending light. He ended up with his face nuzzled against something warm and pleasantly familiar. He sighed and hummed with content until he recognized what it was. Ianto lurched upright and just as suddenly sincerely wished he hadn't as he screwed his face up when the world inside his skull began to spin and his stomach decided to flip.

"Ughh." Was all he could manage.

A faint chuckling to his left didn't make him feel any better either as he sank back down into his pillows. It was then he realised that he was in bed, with Jack. Oh no, he hadn't, had he?

"Please tell me we didn't?" He had no recollection of anything past last night's chicken dansak. Ianto felt the bed move just slightly and a warm hand came to rest on his shoulder.

"We didn't, assuming of course that you are referring to sex." It was a tone laced heavy with sarcasm and disappointment. "You were in no fit state for that. You sang pretty well though, and vomited spectacularly."

Ianto sank further down into the mattress.

"Go away, I'm suffering here."

He was met with a chuckle against the skin of his neck and said hand sliding gently around his waist. "Go back to sleep Ianto."

Ianto squirmed round and faced Jack's chest which was disconcertingly naked and warm and inviting. "What are you doing here, Jack?"

"I came by last night, to talk and you were very drunk, so I put you in the shower after you finished throwing up everywhere and then I put you to bed."

"But you're still here." It was a whiny complaint.

Jack sucked in a deep breath. "Yeah, had to put my clothes in the washing machine, anyway I was worried you'd be sick again, so I stayed." A warm hand rubbed gentle circles over Ianto's sweat damp back.

"Thanks." Was mumbled in response. "You didn't have to, but thanks."

Jack kissed the top of Ianto's head. "You're welcome, now go back to sleep."

Ianto was already snoring.

Ianto woke up with a thick head some hours later and the vague recollection of a dream about Jack.


	8. Chapter 8

**RESIGNED PART EIGHT**

**(This is for Quiet Time because I love her Tosh...Shameless plug here for 'breaking my heart')**

It was inevitable really. The phone ringing and Ianto just forgot to check the caller ID. Rhiannon's voice was irate, scathing.

"Finally, for once I haven't got your voice mail. You forgot Mica's birthday!"

Ianto's heart dropped to his stomach and he slapped his hand to his forehead and began to worry at the frown there with his fingertips.

"Oh, God I'm sorry Rhi. I really am, I've just been so busy with work and you're right, I totally forgot. I'll make it up to her, what would she like?" He sank down onto his couch.

"Ianto! I do not want you spoiling her with gifts when really all she wants is to see you once in a while."

Which really meant that Rhi was pissed because he hadn't visited in months. Ianto didn't want to visit, it would mean talking about things he'd really rather not confront.

"Last time I visited she was more interested in the PS3. Look Rhi I am sorry, but well…"

"Don't fob me off Ianto Jones. Come for dinner on Sunday, no excuses I do not want to hear them."

Ianto sighed and sagged further into his furniture. "Alright, what time?"

"Be here for midday and we can have a catch up whilst Johnny takes the kids to the pool. I mean it Ianto I expect you here. It's been too long since we saw you."

Ianto didn't want to be seen. "Ok. I'll bring some wine?"

"Just bring yourself… I'm worried Ianto, you're my little brother, I'm supposed to be looking after you."

He found himself smiling, just a little. "I'm not 8 anymore Rhi, but I appreciate the sentiment, I do really. You know I've never been any good with….. well, you know."

"Just let me take care of you for a day, ok? I need to know you're alright."

"I am, really." He knew he didn't sound terribly convincing.

"I'll believe it when I see you tell me that to my face. So Sunday, you miss it and I am coming over to fetch you by the hair, are we clear Ianto?"

"You're starting to sound like Nan."

They both chuckled.

"See you on Sunday?"

Ianto nodded. "It's a promise, what shall I bring for Mica?"

"Something girly and pretty to wear, you have good taste and she's a size 8 dress and size two for her shoes…. You know like a princess."

"I think I can manage that."

"Ok, Love you little brother."

"Love you too."

They hung up at the same time and Ianto dropped his phone to his side and realised with dismay that he had tears rolling down his cheeks. He wiped them away just as someone knocked on the front door somewhat vigorously. Ianto, getting up, rolled his eyes, it could only be Jack.

His boss was standing on the doorstep with his hands jammed deep into his coat pockets with the stupidest grin on his face that Ianto had ever seen. Ianto gestured him in and ambled back to his couch and plonked himself down. Jack took off his coat and sat down beside him. An uneasy silence followed for a moment and Ianto drew his feet up and curled himself into a ball with a cushion pulled to his chest.

"Jack."

"Hey." Jack faced him with a more subdued but heartfelt smile. "You're sober this time at least."

Ianto frowned again and Jack automatically reached forwards to touch Ianto's brow to wipe it away, his fingers dusting over a stubbly cheek for just a moment.

"You were here?"

"You don't remember throwing up all over me?"

Ianto shrugged. "I thought I dreamt that."

"No, I had to wash my clothes before I could return to the Hub, vomit really isn't a good look."

"You came to see me?"

Jack settled himself back, getting comfortable. "I came to talk. I figured I owed you that much. I guess I am hoping I can convince you not to stay away for good, we're missing you. The Hub doesn't feel like home without you there."

Ianto looked down at his hands. "Can we do this over dinner? I've not been up long, need a shower."

Jack smiled. "Sure, go get yourself sorted. Mind if I get a cup of tea?"

"Help yourself." Ianto got up hitching up his pyjama bottoms. "I won't be long."

Dinner ended up being in a little Italian restaurant that Ianto frequented on a far too regular basis. It was quiet with only a few tables in use and they were shown to where Ianto usually sat at the back in a booth sheltered away from the main part of the dining area. They sat opposite one another and a waitress trotted over with two menus.

"Hi Ianto, did you want your usual to drink?" Jack found himself looking up into the dark eyes of a lovely looking Polish girl who looked to be about 17 years old.

"Yes, Ella. Thank you."

"And you sir?" She fixed her gaze on Jack a determined expression on her face and Jack realised in that instant that she probably had a serious crush on Ianto because the smile vanished from her lips at the same time.

Jack offered up a subdued grin, knowing full well that flirting would go down too well.

"I'll have the same, thanks."

She gave him a curt nod then faced Ianto again, the smile back in place. "I'll come take your order in a while."

Ianto nodded and she left.

"You come here often?" Jack enquired softly.

Ianto nodded. "Too often. I had practically every meal here whilst you were away, can't you tell how much weight I put on?"

Jack arched an eyebrow, he had noticed and actually liked the look, it made Ianto look healthier.

Jack picked up a menu and began to peruse the list. "What's good?"

"It all is, really, I've tried everything."

Somehow Jack wasn't as shocked as he knew he should be. A few minutes later and they were both sipping on cold lager and waiting for their meals.

"So, Jack. You wanted to talk?" Ianto clasped his hands resting them on the table and to his utter shock Jack reached forwards and rested one his own hands over them. Ianto had to force himself not to move away and keep his gaze firmly focussed on the man opposite. Now was not the time for his own ingrown prejudice to get in the way.

"Yeah. I wanted to tell you about my time away."

Ianto's heart sank. "Oh, right. Ok." He responded hesitantly. He tried to smile but it came out more like a grimace.

Jack gently rubbed his fingertips over Ianto's much colder and slightly smaller hands.

"I'm not going to apologise for leaving. I had to go Ianto, I am sorry for leaving you with my mess and no explanation. I should have given you some warning, but to be truthful I wasn't expecting to be back."

Ianto looked into earnest eyes, darkened by shadows that had nothing to do with the lighting in the place they were sat.

"So why did you go?"

"I wanted to be fixed. I thought the Doctor could make me mortal again, and then drop me home like nothing had happened, in my own time, where I thought I belonged." Jack took a fortifying gulp from his glass.

"What went wrong, Jack?" Ianto felt Jack's hold over his hands tighten.

"Everything. Firstly the Doc tried to run away from me, then, my grabbing hold of the TARDIS so that he couldn't get away from me resulted in a terrible error in time. It was awful Ianto…He said that I was wrong and that there was nothing he could do for me and we crossed paths with another of his people. It lead to a paradox being created and a whole year happening that shouldn't have…"

Ianto squirmed in his seat, leaning closer. "Are you telling me that you were gone for longer than you were missing?"

Jack nodded.

Ianto watched his face very closely. "It was bad for you, wasn't it?"

Another nod. "Not just for me, for everyone. This other timelord, he hid himself here on Earth, built a paradox machine, after stealing the Doctor's ship. It's complicated. He disguised himself, hid himself in plain sight and none of us saw it. You remember Harold Saxon?"

Ianto couldn't hide his surprise. "How could I forget, he was a smarmy bastard."

"Yeah, that's one way to put it. It was him Ianto. He took over the Earth, enslaved the people, butchered a load more and it took the Doctor and Martha a year to put things right."

"And you?"

Jack closed his eyes for a moment. "It's gonna be a while before I can describe the details. He had me chained up for 12 months in a cell on the engine deck of the Valiant… I wasn't much help."

Their food arrived. Jack had barely put the first forkful in his mouth before his phone began to ring.


	9. Chapter 9

**RESIGNED PART NINE**

Jack put down his fork and pulled his mobile phone from his trouser pocket,

"Sorry Ianto… I gave specific instructions that I wasn't to be disturbed." He sighed when he saw the caller ID and promptly answered.

"Gwen!"

Ianto tried not to look annoyed and continued to eat his meal.

Jack was looking less than happy himself.

"Gwen, sort it out, yourself. I told you no calls!" Jack hissed down the phone and then glanced at Ianto with an apologetic smile which quickly vanished.

"You guys can deal with it, you've done it often enough in the past. Put Owen on please."

Ianto picked up his glass of lager took a long draught, watching Jack's face intently as he nodded and frowned.

"Thank you Owen, remind Gwen absolute emergencies only and no you don't need to know where I am." He hung up and turned his phone off.

Ianto gaped. "Jack, are you sure you don't need to get back to the Hub?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "They're fine Ianto. Gwen was just being difficult."

No surprises there. Ianto kept that comment to himself. "Don't let your food get cold."

They got back to eating in companionable silence and Ianto noticed that Jack's manners hadn't improved as he troffed his food down like it was his last meal. Some things never change.

The pretty waitress came back and took their plates, she returned a short time later with a caraff of coffee and two mugs. Ianto thanked her and gave her a tip of £20 and Jack gave him an enquiring look.

"She's saving up for a trip home over the summer break." Ianto explained as he poured the coffees. A rich aroma rose up with the steam. "This coffee is better than mine. It's the only place in the city that does decent coffee."

Jack couldn't help but agree, but he still preferred Ianto's simply because it was him that made it.

Ianto was leaning forward on the table again. "So this year of yours, did you see us at all?" What he really meant was, Ianto wondered if Jack had been with anyone else. "I mean you said you came back for us…"

"For you Ianto. I came back for you." Jack corrected him. "And no, I only saw Gwen and she died. Saxon executed her." He shuddered at the memory. "Owen and Tosh were both killed early on, I don't know how. I just saw their bodies after."

"And me?"

"You walked into a missile silo with a load of explosives strapped to your chest. Saxon was furious, you took out one of the bigger depots. He'd dismissed you as harmless and you went and did that. It made me smile I can tell you. Martha later told me that it was something you two had planned as a diversion, to keep Saxon off her tail."

"Martha?" Ianto took a sip of coffee.

"Yep. She saved the world Ianto. Without her and the Doctor, well, we wouldn't be having this conversation. They put things right." Jack spoke with no small amount of pride in the smile on his face.

"But he couldn't fix you."

Jack shrugged. "I'll get used to it eventually."

Ianto knew that he never would. "I'm sorry Jack."

"For what?"

Ianto gathered himself. "I can't imagine forever, never staying dead and seeing everyone that I will ever meet, or love fade and die. I'm sorry for my own selfishness, for needing you more than I should, for doubting you. I don't know. Just sorry."

Jack reached out his hand and Ianto took it. "Saxon knew you couldn't die I take it?"

"Yeah, he knew. He was pretty inventive. You'd be surprised at how many ways there are to die."

Ianto closed his eyes. "Actually I don't think I would."

"Maybe not….. Look Ianto I know when I ran away I had no intention of returning. I'd been waiting over a century for the Doctor….. my Doctor and when I found him he'd changed and he was a different man. I found out he'd run away from me, abandoned me and I can't tell you how much his rejection hurt. A long time ago he saved me, made me a better person and I kinda lost sight of that in the waiting for him to come back. It's why Alex got by me, and Suzie and then you. I just want to fix that. I realised that my place is here." Jack squeezed his fingers. "I don't want you to leave."

Ianto looked down at their clasped hands. "It's not enough Jack. My sister rang me this morning and bitched at me because I'd missed my niece's birthday. I keep avoiding visiting her because I am so far removed from the normal world, I just don't know how to function in it anymore. I honestly thought that when you got back, things would ease up a bit, but they didn't and then John Hart… he…. He made me realise that I never knew you at all, he made me feel cheap and disgusting, like I was your toy."

Jack shook his head. "No, you were never that, and you know me better than anyone, not my past Ianto, me. You know my moods, my needs and you treat me like I am a normal person not some icon. You ground my ego and keep me from doing stupid things."

"Like screwing Gwen?" Ianto spat scathingly.

Jack tightened his squeeze around Ianto's fingers. "Yes. You know I am drawn to her, she's like a lantern in the dark, but to her I am this shining hero who can fix everything. And I can't be that person. You understand and accept that you don't try to make me into something I am not."

Ianto pulled his hand away and stood up. "I cannot be your anchor Jack. I'm not strong enough."

Jack rose with him and grabbed his coat, pulling it on. Ianto was sorting through his wallet for his debit card.

"I'll just get this." He muttered, wandering over to the bar to pay the bill. Jack went outside onto the street and waited for him. Ianto stepped out a moment later, tugging his black coat tightly about him. He looked up at Jack earnestly.

"You should be with her, if that is what you want. Gwen loves you."

Jack huffed out a sigh and walked at Ianto's side. "I know she does, but I'd only disappoint, whereas Rhys would not. He's good for her." Jack grabbed Ianto's arm and pulled him to stop.

"How do I say this? It is you I came back for, why can't you believe that?"

Ianto's shoulders sagged. "Because you never look at me the way you look at her." He smiled sadly. "I don't blame you and this isn't just about you and I. I never gave myself time after Canary Wharf, after Lisa. When she was gone I fell into you because I was so lonely and broken and when you left I realised there was nothing left of me. I've told you all this. There has to be more to my life than this, otherwise I'm going to be dead before I'm thirty with nothing to show for my life. I love you Jack, I wish I didn't. I just need time to… I don't know. I just need time, you know that, and space. Leave me alone for a while, please."

Jack stared down at his boots. "Ok." He hurt more than he thought possible and he didn't want Ianto to see. "I'll go away and I will stay away, but don't dismiss a future with Torchwood Ianto and you have far more to show for your life than you realise."

To Jack's astonishment Ianto leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"Good bye Jack."

He walked away and Jack stood there and watched until the young Welshman was no longer in his sight.

AN: I AM TRYING TO MAKE THEIR CONVERSATONS SOUND LIKE THEY KEEP GOING ROUND IN CIRCLES... NEVER QUITE SAYNG EXACLY WHAT THEY NEED TO, SO I HOPE THIS HAS WORKED... I THINK SOME ACTION IN THE NEXT CHAPTER IS REQUIRED...?


	10. Chapter 10

**RESIGNED PART 10**

Sunday came rather too quickly for Ianto, the day before he had gone shopping and chosen an outfit for his niece that he hoped would be appropriate. He had no idea what an eight year old girl would like and had been totally reliant on the choices made by the shop assistant who helped him out. Feeling slightly unsure of his choices Ianto also added a handheld computer game that was pink in colour. Then he realised that perhaps his nephew might feel a bit left out so he bought him a computer game as well, but his was black. It was ridiculous to think about gender stereotypes but Ianto knew that David would never accept anything pink. It made him laugh to think about it. He also bought a leather jacket for his sister and a coat for his brother in law. Ianto realised that he was probably going over the top but he had little else to spend his money on as he rarely purchased things for himself. It made a nice change to be able to give some presents to his family. By Sunday morning he was a nervous wreck because it had been so long since he had visited his sister and her family, back then Lisa had still been alive and she had accompanied him on his last visit. He was not looking forward to the questions his sister would invariably ask of him.

That morning he dressed in jeans, T-shirt and hoodie. It was a rare thing for him to dress casually and he felt vulnerable in such attire. However, wearing a suit at his sister's house would only cause his brother-in-law to laugh at him and bemoan the fact that Ianto was considerably slimmer than him. Somehow jeans seemed more appropriate for the Cromwell estate. Ianto opted for booking a taxi because he didn't want to risk his car being stolen and he wasn't entirely certain about how much alcohol he was likely to drink. With shopping bags in hand he stood outside his house and waited for the cab to arrive. He shifted from one foot to the other and suddenly realised that he was desperate for a cigarette to calm him down. He felt less nervous about facing down a weevil in some dank, dark alleyway with nothing but his wits with which to defend himself.

The taxi arrived all too soon and Ianto got inside with a deep foreboding in his gut.

TWTWTWTW.

For once Owen was the first to arrive at the hub. Technically he wasn't on duty this weekend but with Ianto absent he had decided to put in a bit of extra time to cope with his filing. Owen had to admit to himself that it was a task he loathed simply because it was boring and it wasn't his job to do it. The medic really detested doing other people's work. Last night had been a major disappointment on the pulling front so he had returned home from clubbing earlier than anticipated and woken up far too early on this grotty Sunday morning. He was bored at home so with nothing better to do he had come in to do Ianto's job.

His first port of call was the kitchenette so that he could make himself a very strong coffee because his hangover was giving him some grief. To his utter dismay he discovered that the cupboards were almost empty and there was no coffee to be found of any description. He pulled out a box of teabags and stared in horror at the label stating green tea, it wasn't even normal tea, not P G tips or Tetleys, no just some weird stuff for healthy people. In disgust he stomped down to the autopsy bay and slumped himself behind his desk to begin his work. It only took him 10 minutes to lose interest in what he was doing so he decided to go and find Jack. Shoving his chair back he headed up to Jack's office only to discover that his boss was not there. Somehow Owen wasn't surprised Jack had been very out of sorts since the tea boy had decided to leave them. Owen fully understood that Ianto needed to get away from things Torchwood related. The young Welshman and practically lived at the hub during Jack's prolonged absence and he clearly needed a break. He half wondered if Ianto was even going to come back and when he had questioned Jack about it his boss had been very evasive. Owen wandered over to Tosh's workstation and checked over all of the rift data for the previous night but there was nothing of any significance or concern. He sighed deciding he would venture out to the supermarket to get some coffee and biscuits because he knew he would go loopy without them.

He was just locking up the tourist office when Jack approached him with loaded carrier bags in both hands. Jack held them up with a big smile on his face.

"I thought I'd better get in some supplies before I had to deal with industrial action."

Owen could only grin. "I could kiss you."

"Now there is a tempting idea. Owen I never thought I'd ever hear you say that."

Owen scowled at him.

They made their way back down into the hub and Jack deposited the bags on the ratty couch underneath the tiled Torchwood logo. Owen immediately dived in to see what Jack had bought and he was delighted to discover chocolate biscuits, instant coffee, teabags, milk, sugar and various packets of unhealthy snacks. He was certain that the girls would complain tomorrow, but he really didn't care that much.

"I wasn't expecting to see you today, why are you here?" Jack hung up his coat in his office as he spoke.

Owen was taking the shopping into the kitchen. "I had some admin I needed to catch up with. It's stuff that Ianto usually handles. When is he coming back Jack?"

Jack joined him in the kitchen and pulled two mugs from the cupboard above his head.

"It could be a while, when I saw him the other day he said he wasn't ready to come back yet. I think we should give him some time."

Owen had switched on the kettle and was opening up the jar of Kenco. "He has had a rough time, he took it very hard when you left. You know what he's like, he's very sensitive and I think sometimes we forget that. He was also a bit upset about Beth, I think she reminded him too much of what happened with Lisa and the fact that Beth was able to make the sacrifice that neither he or Lisa could make. I don't think he ever really recovered from all of that."

"He said to me that he needed to figure out who he was. I am prepared to let him take as long as he needs but in the meantime I will look into getting an administrative replacement so that Ianto doesn't have to deal with things like the filing any more. He told me that he felt as if he had been demoted recently."

"Yeah I get that, he came out in the field with us on a regular basis when you were away and now he's stuck in here, I suppose I would feel a bit demoted as well if that were me." Owen poured boiling water into the mugs and then added 4 teaspoons of sugar to his coffee.

Jack could only gape. "You feeling hypo-or something?"

"Hangover. I always need lots of sugar when I have a hangover."

"Right then since we are both here we may as well get on with the paperwork backlog. I do not want there to be a massive pile of it when the Ianto gets back."

"Don't you mean if Ianto comes back?"

Jack didn't grace him with a reply as he headed back to his office and closed the door behind him.

TWTWTWTW.

Ianto was dragged in through the front door and pulled in to a stifling hug by his shorter sister. Because his hands were full of bags his returning embrace was somewhat awkward. Rhiannon stepped back and took a moment to survey her younger brother, looking him over with a critical and somewhat concerned eye.

"Come on in and sit down and I'll go and put the kettle on and we can have a nice cup of tea and you're going to tell me why I haven't seen you for almost 18 months." Ianto felt himself sink just a little but he obediently followed his older sister and plonked himself down onto her squashy couch after dumping his bags by the lounge door. He took a moment to gaze around the too small lounge and noticed that there were many cardboard boxes and bags jammed up under the dining table in the open plan kitchen. Rhi was obviously working from home again in order to make ends meet. It saddened Ianto to think his family were struggling but often in the past his sister had turned down his offers of financial support. Rhiannon was proud and stubborn and Ianto took a moment to reflect on how similar they actually were no matter how different they looked. Ianto had inherited his mother's blue eyes and slightly turned up nose whereas Rhiannon was very much her father's daughter right down to her slightly dumpy frame and soft brown eyes. Ianto found himself wishing he could remember his mother more clearly he had been so young when she had passed away and he had no real recollection of what she was like beyond emotional impressions that he clung to from his childhood memories.

Rhiannon bustled back into the room and passed him a mug of coffee, Ianto knew it was instant and had to consciously tighten his resolve in order to take a sip, he realised that he was a snob and he smiled at her after swallowing down his first mouth full.

"Thanks sis, I really needed that. So, how are you?"

"I'm alright actually, we all are. I've just been really worried about you. You haven't visited and you have been steadfastly avoiding talking to me every time I have managed to get you on the phone. So you tell me how are you and what have you been up to?" She got herself comfy on the couch next to him her mug of coffee cradled in both her hands.

Ianto shifted uncomfortably for a moment his gaze settling on the carpet between his feet. "I'm alright. I'm sorry, I know it's been a long time, but a lot has happened and it has taken me a long time to sort myself out."

"So how's Lisa? Don't tell me you split up?"

Ianto met her enquiring gaze with a hollow look and let out a huge sigh it took him a moment to realise that his eyes had started to water with tears. He cursed himself silently hating the emotional display.

"Lisa died. It was almost 17 months ago. You remember the terrorist attack at Canary Wharf?"

Rhiannon nodded, her eyes widening. "She was there?"

Ianto chewed at his lower lip. "We both were, I managed to pull her out from the rubble, but she died a while later from her injuries." It was as close to the truth as he dared go. "We both worked there. Afterwards I came back to Cardiff and I have been working there ever since. It's a different branch of the same government department I was working with before. My new boss has been helping me. I'm sorry, I just, I just didn't know how to handle it which is why I have been avoiding you."

Rhiannon just stared at him in shock, uncertain as to whether to be hurt or upset. "Ianto, you should have called. I would have been there for you, we all would have been. It must have been terrible for you I am so sorry. I wish you had told me so I could have helped."

Ianto sniffed and wiped water from his face with his sleeve. "I know, I am sorry. You know what I'm like, I've never been very good at talking about my feelings and really I think I have just been avoiding them as much as I have been avoiding the only family I have left. It was just so hard coping with Lisa's absence and I did not want to be reminded of what I have lost seeing you with your own family, your future, here in this house. And now I listen to myself saying that and I realise how selfish I have been. I guess I am more like tad than I would like to think I am." He took a gulp of coffee.

Rhiannon reached out to her hand and patted his leg. "Well you're here now. Why don't you tell me about the job you were doing, where you are living, anything. I just want to get to know my little brother again I just want you to know that I am here for you and you can tell me anything. I promised mam I would look after you but you make it very difficult sometimes."

Ianto shrugged. "My job is the same, and I can't tell you because I signed the official secrets act. But I've got a house in Penarth and I have a flatmate called Emma who is a medical student and has a boyfriend in Swansea. To be honest she has been really good company lately. Work is the same as ever long and weird hours and rather boring, but the money is really good and with a bit of luck I will be able to retire early."

"That's all well and good but it isn't much use if you are unhappy and you look bloody miserable if you don't mind my saying so."

Ianto forced a smile. "Yeah, I am kind of rethinking my strategy at the moment. I have had another job offer and I am seriously thinking about taking it, the only trouble is it would mean moving to the USA and I am not certain that I am ready to do that."

"So have you been seeing anyone else since Lisa passed away?" Rhiannon was keen to know everything.

"No, well not really. I did see someone for a while but then we took a long break and now that person is back and I don't know how I feel about what to do about it. It's complicated because we work together."

"Do you love this person?"

Ianto gazed into his sister's large, dark eyes seeing only kindness and concern there. "Yes I am afraid that I do. I feel guilty about it because I fell so hard and so far and so soon after Lisa. I know it's wrong, but I couldn't help it and I wondered if it was all for the wrong reasons."

Rhiannon smiled softly at him. "You don't get to choose who you fall in love with. Look at me and what I ended up with. I know Johnny is no Brad Pitt, but I wouldn't change him for the world, I know I am meant to be with him warts and all."

"He's a good man Rhiannon, I wasn't the best brother in law to him and for that I am sorry. He makes you happy and in the end that is all that matters. I could have all the money in the world and I would still be miserable. Sometimes all I want is to have Lisa back and I know that I will never settle down and get married now that she is gone." He finished the mug of coffee and placed it down on the carpet.

"Don't say that Ianto, you will find someone and when you do you will be happy again. I know I only met Lisa once but I am pretty sure that she would want you to move on with your life and find someone who makes you happy."

Ianto wanted to believe that he even deserved such happiness, but the deaths of Annie and Dr Tanizaki would always remain on his conscience.

"Anyway." He forced a smile for her benefit. "I brought some presents with me, I hope you don't mind. I am sorry I forgot Mica's birthday so I hope these make up for it a little bit." He gestured to the bags he had left by the door.

Rhiannon's gaze followed his hand and she rolled her eyes and grinned. "You daft beggar, you didn't need to do that but thank you it's always nice to have a present to open. I've got one for you too. Hang on a minute I will just go and get it." She leapt off the couch and disappeared out of the room. Ianto could clearly hear her thumping up the stairs and across the room above him. A few minutes later and she was back at his side and pressing a small velvet box into his hands.

"Mam made me promise to give this to you. It was the first ring Tad gave to her after their second date. She was hoping that one day you would be able to give it to a future girlfriend or maybe even a future wife. To be honest I really thought that Lisa would be the one and perhaps in some ways she is, I don't know. Give it to someone you love Ianto, I know that is what mam would want for you."

Ianto carefully flipped open the lid and discovered a thin and well-worn gold band nestling on a bed of satin. He had never seen the ring before but it had clearly never been taken off until his mother had died at the tender age of 29. Fat tears rolled down his pale cheeks and closing the box he pulled his sister into a tight embrace which she freely returned, both of them crying into one another's shoulders.

**AN: okay, not so much action and adventure as promised. Will try again tomorrow. Thank you for reading and for your very supportive and kind reviews. Deeta**


	11. Chapter 11

**Resigned part 11**

Owen was complaining yet again. There was no coffee on tap, the hub was a mess because nobody had bothered to clean up stray pizza boxes and takeaway cartons. There was an odour of gone off Chinese food hanging in the air and whilst Owen wasn't terribly worried about housekeeping the lack of coffee was really driving him nuts. Jack had listened to his tirade with extreme patience but even he had his limits. After a long and difficult night Jack had decided to hide in his office to escape his colleague's grumbling, he really wasn't in the mood for it and didn't want to risk snapping. He slumped into his chair behind his desk and scrubbed his hands through his hair wondering when on earth Ianto was going to come back. The Welshman had been absent for over two weeks and had made no contact at all during that time. Jack was mildly surprised but then he remembered that this was Ianto's attempt at dealing with his life and he probably didn't want any distractions that involved contacting Torchwood. So Jack was somewhat puzzled by the fact that Ianto hadn't even phoned to say hello to anyone, especially Tosh. He glared down at the pile of paperwork in front of him and actually growled at it because he really didn't want to deal with that either. A quick glance at his watch told him it was 6 AM on a Tuesday morning and really both he and the others should be tucked up in bed.

Owen stomped into the room and Jack almost yelled at him to piss off, but just about managed to restrain himself.

"When the fuck is the tea boy coming back to work? I am getting really fed up with this, it's bloody ridiculous we can't carry on like this. If he ain't coming back then we need to replace him Jack!" Owen folded his arms across his chest, trying to look fearsome and failing somewhat miserably.

All Jack could manage was to huff out an annoyed sigh. "I said Ianto could take a month off if he needed to, I am not going to start calling him now. And yes I agree we do need to have somebody else to help with the administration." He grabbed a manila folder and held it up for Owen to see. "I've been checking out some CV's, but there isn't anybody here that's any good. I think I'm going to have to poach somebody possibly from UNIT but to be honest there isn't anything there much either."

Owen sagged into the empty chair in front of Jack's deskunit. "You very skilfully avoided my first question. Is Ianto really coming back? What happened Jack, what did you do to upset him?"

Jack shook his head, "I didn't do anything. I just think he had had enough and to be honest I thought he would be back by now, I guess I underestimated just how fed up he really was. He's angry with me, but that's not all of it. He asked me who I thought he was, he told me he didn't know who he was anymore because his life had become defined by Torchwood. Perhaps it has finally taken too much and sometimes I still wonder whether or not I should have let him stay after Lisa. Perhaps a large dose of retcon would have been kinder, but I don't think I have the right to do that to him, I didn't then and I don't now. You know I refuse to operate like they did at Torchwood one."

"He never said anything to me, but then he never did really. When you were a way I took him out a few times, you know just to the pub. I was just trying to help him, be a friend, it was clear to me he was falling apart without you and to be honest I didn't know what to do for him. He worked obsessively drove himself into exhaustion and wouldn't rest at all, since you got back he is just being quiet and tried to fade back into the shadows. I suppose we allowed that to happen really."

Jack was about to respond when Toshiko entered the room with a worried frown on her face.

"Jack the computer has just flagged up a missing persons report. It is Ianto, I think we need to check this out."

Jack and Owen were up on their feet straight away, Jack reaching for his coat and pulling it on.

"Tosh contact the police and find out what you can. Owen and I will go to Ianto's flat and talk to his housemate Emma. It's probably nothing, when was the last reported sighting of him?"

"That's just it, the last time he was seen was by Emma and that was almost 10 days ago."

"Jesus." Owen muttered. "How the hell did no one notice sooner?"

"Let's go and find out. Tosh call Gwen and get her over to the station. Start going through the CCTV as well see if there is anything. Come on Owen lets go."

TW TW TW TW TW

Emma was not at all surprised when Ianto's friend in the long coat turned up at the front door. She gestured him into the flat and the man she recognised as Dr Owen Harper who trailed in behind him. The three of them went to the kitchen.

"Are you here about Ianto?" She picked up her mug of tea and sipped at it.

The strange American was looking extremely concerned. "Yes, when did you last see him?"

"I'll tell you what I told the police, not that they were particularly interested, I last saw Ianto last Saturday night, not the one just gone but the one before. He was telling me all about going to his sister's house, he was going to visit her following day. I rang his sister and apparently he got into a taxi from her house and that was the last she saw of him. I've been away, just a few days and then I had some funny shifts so I thought I'd just missed him, knowing what his working hours are like, but he hasn't even slept in his bed or made himself coffee, so I know he's not been here."

"What sort of mood was he in when you last saw him?"

Emma shrugged. "He seemed okay to me. He wasn't depressed or anything, just a bit nervous about visiting his family after so long apart."

Jack nodded. "I'm just gonna take a look around, I don't think it's going to help much but you never know." He stomped off to Ianto's bedroom and discovered the neatly made bed with folded pyjamas sat on the bottom. He went straight to Ianto's chest of drawers and opened the top one, as expected Ianto's passport was where it should be, along with his diary. Jack carefully pulled it out and checked the final entry which was dated two weeks previously. It was highly unusual for Ianto not to make an addition at least once a week. He carefully placed the Journal back where it belonged and shut the draw. Jack drew in a deep breath and gazed around the overly tidy room, there was nothing out of place and Jack felt a deep sense of dread settle into his gut. Owen was stood in the doorway watching him closely.

"What do you want to do boss?" He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and leant against the doorjamb.

Jack bit at his lower lip for a moment. "We should go over and talk to his sister. It may be she was the last person to see him and we need to find out which taxi firm he used and what driver picked him up from his sister's house."

Owen got his phone out straight away and called Tosh he wandered out of the room as he spoke and Jack returned his gaze to Ianto's undisturbed bed. It was strange the room no longer smelt of Ianto and on a casual glance you would never have guessed whose room it actually was. Ianto had always been intensely private and it had taken Jack many months to get the young man to talk to him about things that mattered. Even after Lisa's death Ianto had found it incredibly difficult to express how he felt. Jack sighed hoping, ridiculously so, that Ianto had been kidnapped because if he hadn't then the alternative did not bear thinking about. Jack strode out of the room unable to be in there any longer. Emma was hanging about in the hallway.

"Am I right to be worried, I'm not wasting everybody's time am I?"

Jack offered up a faint smile. "I am just glad you cared enough to bother reporting him missing, otherwise nobody would have done."

Emma grasped his arm. "You would have, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, but I wasn't expecting him back at work for another two weeks and he made it quite clear that he didn't want me to contact him before then. He needed me to respect that wish and now I am regretting agreeing to that. Is there anything else that you can think of, may be something Ianto might have said?"

She shook her head. "No, sorry. He had a big clear out of loads of stuff, I think it was the things that belonged to his dead girlfriend. He said to me that he was looking for change maybe even a new job, but I don't think he meant to disappear like this."

Jack sighed, knowing full well that if Ianto wanted to disappear he was more than capable of doing so and no one would ever find him.


	12. Chapter 12

**RESIGNED PART 12**

It had been another frustrating day with no sign of Ianto. Unfortunately the day-to-day business of torchwood prevented Jack from doing as much as he would have liked in order to search for his missing team member. It had taken the police a further two days to accept that Ianto was in fact missing and that his disappearance warranted their attention. Ianto's sister had not been able to add anything new to the investigation other than berating the police for their lack of interest. Another week had passed by and all of the torchwood team put in extra hours to try and locate their missing friend but had met with failure, even with their exceptional resources and experience. Owen had finally voiced the opinion that Ianto had deliberately disappeared himself and most likely committed suicide, or left the country. Both Gwen and Tosh whilst vocal in their disagreement with this assessment were quietly thinking that Owen was probably correct in his assumption. Jack however, could not bring himself to believe it though there was little he could do at this stage. Weevils, a downed NASA satellite and a delegation of off world visitors had to take priority and Jack was forced to rely on the local police force in the search for Ianto.

Emma had taken it upon herself, in her free time, to drive around many of the drop-in centres and soup kitchens in the South Wales area to see if perhaps Ianto could be found. She knew deep down it was unlikely that he would turn up in such a place but she didn't know what else to do. Emma missed her friend and landlord more than she thought possible. Over the short time that she had known him he had become her confidante, drinking buddy and good friend. On a couple of nights she had been accompanied by Ianto's enigmatic boss his handsome face set in a grim mask of determination and underlying sorrow.

Four weeks after he went missing Ianto suddenly turned up. Toshiko found him standing and looking dazed outside of the tourist office. Ianto was naked and cold but looked otherwise unharmed. She had run along the boards to hug him and he staggered back to get away from her his face drawn in fear and confusion. Toshiko backed away a pace and pulled out her mobile phone, it was 7am so there was no doubt that Jack would be awake by now.

"Jack, get up here with a blanket quickly. I found Ianto, we're right outside the tourist office. But come out gently he seems very afraid." She had to hold the phone away from her ear at his loud exclamation and then she hung up. Ianto was gazing at her his arms tightly wrapped around his naked torso in an effort to keep warm but he clearly had no idea who she was. Tosh smiled gently at him and held out her hands in a placative gesture.

"It's all right Ianto, it's me Toshiko, everything is going to be all right."

He simply gazed at her shivering with cold and then his eyes turned to the door that opened at his back. He watched as a strange handsome man stepped out with what looked like a blanket draped over his arm. There was a concerned frown on his face.

"Ianto, thank God you're all right." The blanket was held out and after shaking it the man gently reached forward to drape it over his shoulders. Jack looked mildly surprised as Ianto took a step back, but he reached out for the blanket snatching it from Jack's grasp and tugging it tightly about his body. He stood there wrapped in the folds, teeth chattering. Jack and Toshiko exchanged worried looks before they both faced Ianto with reassuring smiles on their faces.

"Ianto, let us take you inside in the warm." Toshiko carefully rested her hand against Ianto's arm and she gently nudged him encouraging him to come with her. To her relief he followed and Jack stepped in on his other side placing a hand on the small of Ianto's back to guide him forward.

"It's okay, you don't have to be frightened. We are your friends Ianto." Jack assured him as Ianto seemed hesitant for a moment. The young man allowed himself to be steered into the shelter of the tourist office and the door was closed behind them. A few moments later he was led through a strange round door to the sound of sirens as they stepped into the cavernous space of the hub. Jack and Toshiko were both taken by surprise as Ianto stopped on the threshold and gazed about with trepidation.

"It's all right you're safe here."

Ianto turned to look at Toshiko and cautiously hitched the faintest of smiles. "I know I'm supposed to recognise this place, but I don't remember it." It was said so quietly that they almost missed it. Jack gently rubbed circles over his back.

"It's all right, come on come and sit down over here, you're very cold we need to get you warmed up."

Ianto was compliant as he was led to the ratty couch and sat down. Jack immediately took a place at his side not wanting to let go and he looked up at Tosh who remained standing.

"Call Owen." He instructed.

Toshiko was already pressing her speed dial as she stepped to her desk and began to bring up the CCTV logs on her monitors. As she stepped away she could hear Jack talking soothingly to the man beside him.

Jack was careful to keep a respectable amount of distance so as not to panic the young man who was still gazing about as if he had never seen the hub before.

"Do you know who I am?"

Jack opened his mouth and then closed it again before speaking. "Yes, your name is Ianto Jones, this is where you work."

Ianto nodded. "Okay, I'm sorry I don't remember." He turned his wide blue gaze on Jack and Jack felt his heart painfully swell in his chest.

"What do you remember Ianto?"

Ianto appeared to think about it and then he shrugged. "I don't remember anything, I can't remember. I was just outside and I was cold. Are you sure that you know me because I have no idea who you are, but I know I should. Does that make sense?" He shuddered, still chilly.

"It's all right. We'll sort this out. I want to move you down to our medical bay so that our doctor can check you out when he gets here, is that all right?" Jack was relieved when Ianto nodded his agreement.

"What happened to me?"

Jack grasped a freezing cold hand and squeezed it gently. "I don't know. But try not to worry about that now let's just get you checked over and warmed up."

Ianto looked down at their linked hands feeling a little more comforted by the gesture. "All right, thank you."

"You're welcome."


	13. Chapter 13

**RESIGNED PART 13**

Owen settled himself down at the boardroom table, he slid the clipboard with his medical charts across to Jack. Jack snatched it up and scanned it as he spoke.

"How is he Owen?"

The medic was looking annoyed. "I gave him a mild sedative to calm him down and he has fallen asleep. There is evidence of bruising on his wrists and ankles which suggests he was restrained with something, but not cable ties or cuffs. There is one puncture wound on the back of his hand and I believe that is where a cannula was inserted. However there is no other sign of injury or damage. Who ever held him was very careful not to hurt him unnecessarily, they also scrubbed him down before giving him back to us because there is absolutely no forensic evidence. His skin is completely clean they even scrubbed his scalp finger and toenails as well as the inside of his mouth. There is nothing to suggest he was sexually assaulted and there was one faint bruise on the centre of his chest and I think it was where they probably stunned him when he was initially captured. I've taken blood samples but you won't have the results until tomorrow morning, I can only assume he has been given some form of drug which is why he has the memory loss. It's not retcon though, that would have shown up straight away. He's lost some weight and his vitamin B12 and iron count are very low and so was his blood sugar, which suggests he hasn't had much to eat and I speculate that he was given fluids intravenously. He has no recollection of where he has been, for that matter he has little recollection of anything. It's weird, because if all of his memories had been removed he would not be able to communicate with us so I think something more complex has been done and only certain elements of his memory have been removed."

Toshiko and Gwen were looking at him in horror.

"Why the hell would anyone want to do that?" Gwen demanded.

Owen could only shrug. Jack put down the chart with a sigh. "It was done to prevent anyone being identified by him at a later date one presumes. I can only assume that they were after information pertaining to Torchwood. Tosh, have there been any recent attempts to break through our computer firewalls?"

"No, our systems are secure, but I am cycling through continual code changes but nothing has been flagged up. Nothing out of the ordinary anyway I will look into double checking just to be on the safe side. I ran a check on the CCTV logs and had been standing outside the tour office for about 10 minutes before I found him there I have no idea how he arrived because the cameras went down for half an hour before that point and it looks like some kind of EM pulse may have been used. The people that brought him back clearly did not want to be seen and I have no way of tracking them, until Ianto's memory comes back that is."

"His memory will return won't it?" Gwen was looking from Owen to Jack.

"I don't know. He is clearly aware that he should remember who we are and where he is, for some reason he just can't seem to access those memories. There's no way to know whether or not this is a permanent situation." Owen replied. He sat back in his chair and glanced at Jack.

"Let's wait for Owen's test results. You're certain that there was no head trauma?"

Owen nodded. "I would say they treated him with kid gloves because there really isn't a mark on him, the bruising to his wrists and ankles was probably self-induced because he was trying to free himself, let's just be grateful for that much, it could have been much worse."

Jack really didn't want to think about it, he was well aware of how much worse it could have been, 12 months of being chained up and subject to Harold Saxon's whim had been enough to teach him that. He took a quick glance at his watch,

"Okay, Gwen can you go to his sister's house and inform her that Ianto has been found and is safe and well. If she demands to see him tell her that will not be possible because he has amnesia and is being treated for that and his doctor feels it would be too stressful for him to have visitors. After that you may as well go home and come in tomorrow morning. Tosh, Owen unless you have other things to do then you may as well go home too, I shall notify the police that Ianto has been found."

"I think I should probably stay here Jack. Ianto is going to wake up soon and I want to be around when he does just to be absolutely sure that he is all right other than the fact he has no memory."

Jack nodded. "Fine. Any questions?"

There were none.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW.

He was aware of feeling cold and achey. Something told him that he shouldn't move, that he couldn't move, but he wasn't sure what it was. His wrists and ankles were sore and he realised with some degree of novelty that he could move them without hindrance so he lay there flexing his toes for some time. It was comforting in a weird sort of way because right now he still felt very vulnerable and even then he didn't know why. His confusion was unsettling but as he lay there he realised that above all else he was hungry and thirsty so he opened his eyes and discovered a bright white room which stank vaguely of dead flesh. Blinking in the harsh light he sat up and gazed about, uncertain of where he was and how he had got there. He couldn't seem to remember anything very much and that was less disturbing than it should have been. He looked down and found he was wearing soft cotton surgical scrubs, but there was no NHS label on them. Sucking in a nervous breath he swung his legs off the bed that was hard and uncomfortable, his feet made contact with a freezing cold floor with a gentle slapping against ceramic tiles. He hissed with the cold against the soles of his feet and cautiously stepped forward toward the row of stairs that were in front of him.

"You're awake at last, I was beginning to get worried."

The loud American voice made him jump and a tall man appeared on the level above him.

"You startled me, who the hell are you?"

The stranger smiled. "Jack, and you're Ianto, you remember that much don't you?"

Ianto shrugged. "I'm not sure, to be honest I'm not certain of anything at the moment. What has been done to me, to make me like this?" He grabbed the rail and made his way up the steps and was comforted by Jack's offer of his hand to steady him.

"First off, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

The American who called himself Jack carefully guided him toward a ratty looking sofa and gently directed him to sit down. Ianto offered up an apprehensive smile of thanks.

"I feel, well I don't know. Can I have something to eat and drink?"

Jack was grinning at him. "Of course, what would you like?"

Ianto had no idea. "What do I usually have?"

Jack sat down beside him and leaned back on the couch. "Well when you're here you usually have coffee and at this time of day we quite often share a Chinese takeaway or a pizza, so how does that sound?"

"I don't know, I can't remember if I like those things or not, I mean how crazy is that I remember how to talk but I can't remember what food I like to eat. I guess I will just have to trust you. You wouldn't give me anything that I didn't like would you?" He could tell by the look on Jack's face just how sad that made him. Ianto wondered whether or not it was the fact that his trust was being questioned.

Jack's smile melted away, his eyes darkening with anger but none of that was reflected in his voice. "Actually it's usually you who organises such things. You make the best coffee in Cardiff no one even comes close, I've really missed that. I've really missed you. You can trust me Ianto. I'll order some Chinese and I am going to show you the coffee machine. Mostly to test the theory in the hope that you can remember how to make the coffee, because mine is pretty undrinkable."

Ianto nodded but was unable to suppress a momentary shiver and Jack spotted it straight away.

"You must be freezing. I'll get you some clothes." He got to his feet. "I'll be back in a minute I know you have some clothes down in my quarters."

Ianto watched him disappear and he took a moment to gaze about his surroundings. The cavernous space was darkened but for the illuminated computer terminals and one small desk lamp. He could hear the faint rustling of something high above him but had no idea what it could be so he guessed it was probably the air conditioning or something. There was also a faint cawing sound and Ianto half wondered if there was a pigeon up there somewhere hiding in the rafters. A moment later and Jack was back proffering an arm full of clothes.

"There is no one else here, why don't you get changed while I go phone for some food and then I will introduce you to the coffee machine." He was grinning again though Ianto could tell he was hiding his obvious worry behind the smile. It was a reassuring sight and he felt genuinely comforted by it.

"Okay, that sounds like a plan."

Jack headed off back toward his office…

Ianto gazed at the gleaming leviathan that sat on the kitchenette bench top. Jack hovered at his side his hands shoved deep into his trouser pockets, his braces hanging loose over his hips and his shirt was untucked and undone in what passed for off duty dress. He realised how small and vulnerable Ianto looked in the oversized T-shirt and track pants he was currently wearing. Ianto was shaking his head.

"I'm sorry I wouldn't even know where to start. Are you sure I was the one who made the coffee here?"

Jack couldn't help his disappointment. "Yeah, you wouldn't let any of us near this coffee machine, it was like your baby. I remember one time you gave me such a telling off for attempting to use it."

Ianto faced him and sighed. "I'm sorry, I wish I could remember I'd like to think that would bring that smile back to your face."

"You don't need to apologise Ianto, someone did this to you, they took something from you they had no right to and that is not your fault. You're right it would have brought a smile to my face and I wish I knew what to do to help you remember."

"I don't know how, but I know that you would help me in any way that you could. That has to be a start, doesn't it?"

Jack hitched a faint grin. "Yeah, anyway there is a good chance that the memory loss is only temporary. Owen will be able to tell us more tomorrow once he's got the blood results back, maybe then we will be able to figure out what to do for you."

"What will I do if you can't help me?"

Jack shrugged, he wasn't sure that he had an answer to that. "Let's not jump to that conclusion just yet, give yourself some time. I promise that no matter what happens I will look after you."


	14. Chapter 14

**RESIGNED PART 14 **

**This has been Beta'd by the lovely Jessie Blackwood, thank you…..Think I might send her my dissertation as well. Thanks everyone for reading and commenting as well. I really appreciate it.**

Owen was entirely grateful that Jack had given him a good excuse to get out for a couple of hours; he had really needed a shower and a change of clothes. When he arrived back at the Hub he found Jack and a slightly nervous-looking Ianto sitting on the couch, two empty mugs on the table in front of them. As he stepped through the cog door both Jack and Ianto looked in his direction and he offered up a cheery wave.

"How are you feeling, Ianto?"

The young Welshman shrugged, not really certain how he was feeling but he could sense a headache looming because the back of his neck was beginning to ache.

"I'm all right thank you, Dr Harper."

Owen hesitated slightly, taken aback by being called Dr Harper, it just sounded wrong coming from Ianto's lips. The medic shrugged off the strangeness of Ianto's formality and breezed across the hub, stomping down into his domain, yanking off his leather jacket as he went. The jacket ended up slung carelessly onto his chair as Owen made his way over to examine the machinery analysing Ianto's blood samples. He could hear Jack and Ianto talking quietly between themselves and was pleased that Ianto seemed a little calmer now. He studied the readouts on his computer screen and sighed, there was still nothing apparent in the blood results. It was somewhat puzzling to him as he had been expecting to find traces of sedatives at the very least. Shaking his head he ambled back up the steps and perched his arse on the little table next to the sofa where Jack and Ianto were sitting.

"So," Owen began, "have you been able to remember anything yet? Any flashes? Anything at all?"

The young Welshman turned wide blue eyes in his direction, and Owen sucked in a sharp breath thinking just how young Ianto actually looked when stripped of his usual tailored veneer.

"There's nothing. My entire life is a complete blank, I really have no idea who I am, just that I should know. It's difficult to explain," he shrugged. "I look at you two and something in the back of my head is telling me that I know who you are. I just can't get at it. It's like someone has flicked off the switch that says "this is your life, Ianto Jones". Someone is home but the lights are all off. I can breathe, I can talk, I can understand you, but beyond that, there's nothing. I feel as if I should be scared, but I have no frame of reference for that." He trailed off and looked back at Jack. "You said something about a diary? Perhaps I should take a look at it?"

Owen glanced at Jack, his eyes widening with surprise. "You actually know where Teaboy hides his diary? My God, Jack, why the hell didn't you say so before?" the medic demanded. Jack's responded by looking mildly annoyed and Owen could tell that the diary was not something Jack was happy to show around. Owen was pretty certain that Jack had already read it cover to cover and he wondered if Ianto had known that before he had lost his memory. He watched Jack rise to his feet.

"It is your diary, Ianto, but I will be honest with you, it doesn't make for nice reading," Jack warned. "Just understand that there are some things in there that will be difficult for you to learn and may need some explanation." Jack was clearly struggling with the notion and Owen found himself secretly looking forward to hearing what his young Welsh colleague had written in that mysterious book of his. Aside from copious amounts of juicy gossip there was also the possibility it would actually help the young man remember who he was.

"I suppose I am going to have to trust you two to help me understand." Ianto was looking up at Jack and Owen realised that even now in his current state Ianto was clearly looking to Jack to guide him.

"Ianto mate, before Jack goes and gets your book, be aware that anything we talk about will be in confidence because when you get your memory back I know for a fact that you will be highly pissed off when you realise that Jack has had access to your journal. You'll probably be pretty pissed off with me too."

Ianto was still looking up at Jack as he nodded slowly in acceptance, a faint smile gracing his pale features.

"Like I said, I have no choice but to trust you to be discreet. I can trust you, can't I?"

Jack was looking down at Ianto, a mix of compassion and apprehension in his eyes. Owen watched as Jack gently brushed at Ianto's forehead with his fingertips. He found it difficult not to be surprised by the tenderness in that gesture, Owen had never seen Jack be so gentle with him.

"Yes, you can trust both of us," Jack reassured him. "We just want to help you remember what happened so that we can figure out why this was done to you. We want to have Ianto Jones back the way he should be. You have no idea how much he is missed."

Owen tried not to balk at that and he watched as Jack turned away and headed in the direction of his office. Ianto's fidgeting brought his attention back to the matter in hand and Owen watched as the young man rubbed at the back of his neck and grimaced.

"Are you in pain?"

Ianto nodded. "Yeah, just aching in my neck. Well, in my head, really. I guess I must be tired."

Owen was immediately on alert. "I'll just get my scanner and check you over. I can give you something for the pain if you like," he said, getting up.

"No, it's okay. Not knowing what's been happening to me makes me reluctant to take any tablets," Ianto explained.

"Nothing is showing up in your blood samples so a couple of aspirin shouldn't do you any harm."

"Alright, thank you."

Owen headed back down to the autopsy bay and retrieved the Bekaran deep tissue scanner and a box of aspirin from the drugs cabinet. He took a moment to have another look at the blood results but still nothing was apparent. Owen knew it was unlikely anything unusual would show up at this late stage even though the tests had another two hours to run. By the time he got back to the sofa Jack was already there, proffering a leather covered book which Ianto took carefully in both hands.

"Before you get started on that let me just make sure everything else is okay." Owen held out the scanner to make his point.

Jack nodded and stepped away, quietly grateful that Owen was being so attentive and understanding. When Owen was in doctor mode he was an entirely different person to the scathing, sarcastic bastard they all knew and loved. It made Jack appreciate him all the more.

"How about I make some coffee then?"

Owen was shaking his head. "Nah mate, your coffee looks like North Sea oil. I'd go for a cup of tea though."

Jack was smiling. "Ianto, how about you?"

Ianto picked his the empty mug from the table and passed it to Jack. "No, thank you. Could I just have a glass of water please?"

"No problem."

Jack left them to it and Owen got busy with his scanner. Ianto watched in fascination as Owen waved the peculiar looking device about close to his body. Owen was intent on the little display that cast a faint light across his angular face. A silence fell between them as Owen concentrated on what he was doing and Ianto focused his gaze on the enigmatic book that sat on his lap waiting to reveal his identity. He couldn't help but feel vaguely nervous about what he might find, especially after the warnings supplied by Owen and Jack. Ianto wondered if he were a bad person, or if he had done something terrible in the past and perhaps somehow he had made himself forget. A twinge of fear settled into his stomach and made him feel slightly sick at the thought. Surely though, Jack and Owen would not be so kind and supportive if he had done something wrong? His hands nervously balled into fists where they rested on the book, his fingernails digging into his palms.

"I'm not a bad person, am I?" His voice was tremulous and it made Owen stop what he was doing. The medic lowered his scanner and looked at Ianto was a serious expression on his face.

"Whatever makes you think that?"

Ianto could only shrug. "What if I did this to myself?"

Owen had no idea how to respond to that so he offered up a cheeky grin. "Yes, you really are a rotten sod, you're an anal git who has a neat freak fetish and the only thing you are any good for is making coffee and shagging Jack."

Ianto's eyes went saucer wide. "I beg your pardon?"

Owen sighed and promptly returned to his task. "You're not a bad person, Ianto, as to whether or not you did this to yourself," he paused, a thoughtful expression on his face, "it's quite possible that we may never find out unless you remember what happened. You are certainly clever enough to cover your own tracks, though why you would feel the need to erase your memory I have to admit is beyond me. You certainly didn't use Retcon, which would be our usual method for a memory wipe. If you did do this to yourself then I would like to know how you managed it because as it stands I haven't a clue."

Ianto was still gaping at him. "Were you joking about me and Jack?"

Owen shook his head. "He is really worried about you. I don't know what exactly your relationship is, I am not entirely certain I want to know. However, I do know that he is very important to you and I feel sure that unless he did something to hurt you—," He hesitated, not really sure how to continue. "—let's just say that you and Jack really care about each other, the rest, you will need to ask him." Owen turned his attention back to his scanner and frowned. "Your blood pressure is too high, not seriously so but I want to keep an eye on it. I need you to tell me if that headache gets any worse, okay?"

"Yes, of course."

His job done, Owen took his scanner away back down to the autopsy bay.

Jack placed a glass of water in front of Ianto and then he sat down beside him, a mug of tea in his hand.

"Is everything okay?"

Owen joined them, resuming his place on the edge of the table.

"He's fine, just a slightly elevated blood pressure."

Ianto was gazing down at the book under his hands. He could feel Jack and Owen watching him intently and it made Ianto feel like a bug under a microscope. He wanted to be alone to look through this book, but part of him was also grateful for their presence, it was somehow reassuring knowing that they were there. Absently he lifted a hand and rubbed at the back of his neck. The pain was increasing at an alarming rate and Ianto scrunched up his eyes.

"Ow, shit that really hurts."

Owen got to his feet straight away. "Come on. I want you back down in the autopsy bay."

Ianto was hesitant. He really wanted to look at the book, but curiosity warred with caution. He ignored Owen's request and reached to open the cover, but as he did so the pain sharpened dramatically and his body convulsed. The diary slid off his lap to the floor and Ianto was forced upright as bright white agony exploded into his head. Owen and Jack caught him as he fell into unconsciousness, his boneless body supported between them.

"Fuck! There was nothing on the scanner, Jack," Owen explained urgently as Jack hoisted Ianto over his shoulder and carried him in the direction of the autopsy bay. Owen was a pace behind. The moment Ianto was put down on the metal exam table he let out a blood freezing scream and violently kicked out. Jack jumped back out of the way as Ianto's feet missed him by inches. Ianto's hands flew to his head and his fingers clawed at his scalp.

"Oh, God, get it out! Get it out! Please help me!"


	15. Chapter 15

**Resigned Part 15**

**Once again beta'd by the lovely Jessie Blackwood... Check out her story 'Role Reversal'**

Owen stepped away the moment Ianto sagged under the effects of the sedative he had just administered. Ianto's eyes were wide, his pupils blown and his mouth opening and closing in a silent mantra. It took Jack a moment longer to let him go and even then he still held on to Ianto's hand. Jack was clearly shocked and it took Owen some moments to gather himself before speaking.

"Shit! Now I'm going to have to run a completely new batch of tests. I have no idea what's triggered this."

Jack nodded. His attention was directed at the man on the exam table in front of him. _Get what out,_ he thought, _what the hell had prompted that outburst? _"You didn't miss anything, Owen. I know you, you're thorough. If there was anything, like a virus or some kind of infection or even alien influence, the sensors would have picked it up by now. Do your tests but I am not convinced that you'll find anything new."

Owen was frowning as he placed the spent syringe in the sharps disposal box. "You sound like you have some clue as to what is wrong with him."

Jack finally looked away from Ianto. Owen had to force himself not to shudder at the expression on his boss's face.

"Come on, Jack, spit it out," Owen demanded. "What do you think is going on here? If you know anything, for God's sake, tell me!"

Jack paused trying to organise his thoughts. Even he wasn't sure exactly what he was thinking. "This is a little too precise for my liking. He can't remember his identity, but he clearly feels he should recognise us and he appears to innately trust us, so whatever remains of Ianto is not gone completely, it is just inaccessible…"

"If you want my opinion, this is looking more and more like hysterical amnesia. It's a rare condition but Ianto is ticking all the boxes. He's forgotten his identity to the point that he can't recognise his own reflection. I'd rule out traumatic amnesia, he hasn't received any injury. There's no typical blow to the head that might have triggered it. It's not anterograde either. That centres on short term memory loss. It's the opposite of retrograde amnesia. Patients can remember everything from _before_ the trauma, but not after it. I also have to say, although it looks like retrograde, he has no memory of anything either prior or post trauma, always assuming there was a trauma of some kind." Owen busied himself with setting up one of his scanners.

"Whoever has done this clearly wants Ianto to remain functional on some level, otherwise they would have simply disposed of him. Why go to all this trouble? Assuming they know who and what we are, I would guess they might expect us to attempt to restore his memory," _It made no sense_, Jack thought, frustrated. "Just run that second batch of tests so we can be sure. I'm going to make a phone call. I think we need some outside help on this one."

Owen nodded and huffed out a sigh. "At least give me some idea where you're going with this, Jack."

"Personally, I think someone, maybe something did this using the power of telepathy rather than inducing it with hypnosis or drugs. It's got to be the only explanation, I've seen something similar before, back when I was with the Agency. Ianto has basic psychic training from Torchwood One. He could probably resist all but the most aggressive of hypnotic suggestion. My experience of telepathy is pushing all the buttons on this one."

"Unless they used a drug that disappears within hours and leaves no trace in the body …"

Jack shrugged. "Okay, okay, I admit it's possible, but what I don't understand is why. I mean, if someone was hell bent on hurting Ianto surely the thing to do would be to make him aware of what he has lost?"

Owen was shaking his head in disbelief, but then this was Torchwood, where anything was possible. "You honestly think someone has been picking through his brain removing parts of his memory? So what the hell does that achieve apart from a good deal of inconvenience for the rest of us?" He was busy preparing one of his scanners as he spoke.

Jack could only shrug. "Someone or something did this to him. I can only assume it has something to do with either Torchwood or myself. If this was done by a telepath then I know someone who will be able to fix the damage and maybe then Ianto will be able to give us some answers. Will he be all right for now?"

"Honestly Jack, I don't have a clue."

Jack found himself gazing back down into Ianto's face. Ianto still had a frown marring his brow and Jack felt Ianto's fingers tighten their grip on his.

"I remember her hand on my face."

It was so quiet Jack thought he had imagined it at first but now Ianto was gazing intently into his eyes and Jack found himself anchored to the spot.

"Who was she? Can you remember who she was?" He asked gently, keeping his eyes focussed on Ianto's. He was rewarded by the very faintest of smiles.

"She was beautiful, Jack. I never saw anyone that pretty. She was like an angel, her hair was so shiny, like the sun was coming out of it. She talked to me." Ianto close his eyes, grimacing as more pain lanced through his head. He squirmed on the table, his free hand grasping at the air as his knees were drawn up to his chest. Both Owen and Jack carefully straightened out his legs and held them down.

"That's enough now, Ianto, you don't need to say anything else. Just try to rest," Jack reassured him. But Ianto carried on, unable to stop the words from sliding off his tongue, no matter the pain.

"I never saw so much light. I felt like I was standing in heaven, it was so beautiful. I didn't want to leave, I thought I would never want to leave, I could have stayed there for ever and no one would have noticed me missing. I can't remember any more. I don't know who I am anymore." His voice trembled, wavered with uncertainty. "Ianto Jones, born August 19th, 1983, the youngest of two children, only son of Ifan and Manon Jones of Newport. One older sister, Rhiannon, one younger sister, Cerys, died September 27th 1992. Father died in 1994, mother died 2002. 786 people died in 2006, but I don't remember how or why. Who am I? Ianto Jones, Torchwood service number IJ3783. Who am I? Who am I...?" His voice trailed off into unintelligible mumbling.

Owen and Jack stared down at him, expressions mirroring their distress for Ianto's condition. Jack gently rubbed circles over Ianto's shin, where he was holding him in place. There were tears leaking from Ianto's eyes, the salt water running over his temples and into his hair. Owen fetched a box of tissues which he handed to Jack and watched as the Captain carefully dabbed the moisture away from Ianto's face.

"You know what? I think you better make that phone call and do it now," Owen said, "because the only other explanation I can come up with is that Ianto is experiencing a nervous breakdown. If he is, then I am completely the wrong doctor to be dealing with it. Right now, if this were anyone else I would recommend that he be sectioned and sent to Providence Park Hospital for assessment."

Jack looked at Owen for a moment and then back down at Ianto. "Make him as comfortable as you can. If we can't fix this… Well, just make him comfortable."

Reluctantly Jack disengaged from Ianto's grasp and walked swiftly up to his office. Owen secured the restraints across Ianto's chest and legs and then he retrieved a blanket from underneath the workbench. He unfolded it and made a fuss of spreading it over his stricken colleague, making sure that the edges of the cotton cover were tucked around him. A second folded blanket served as a pillow for Ianto's head. Ianto appeared not to notice and Owen began his second round of tests.

A while later Jack emerged from his office and headed back down to the autopsy bay. Owen was at his computer and Ianto was seemingly asleep on the examination table, attached to an array of monitors. Jack stood hesitantly on the bottom step, not wanting to disturb either of the two men. He turned back and went up the steps and sat down at Tosh's desk. It wasn't long before Owen joined him and the medic perched himself on the edge of the desk and looked down at Jack, his arms folded across his chest.

"Most of it is done and I have to say that you're probably right, there is nothing new to tell so far. Ianto has been asleep for about 40 minutes now. He just drifted off and has remained peaceful since then."

Jack nodded. "Okay. That's good, isn't it?"

Owen ignored him. "Did you make the call?"

Jack sighed, leaning back in the chair and picking up the Rubik cube that Tosh kept on her desk. He played with it absently as he spoke.

"I got the voice mail, so it could be a while before he gets back to me...or no time at all, thinking about it."

Owen did not look happy. "Who is he, Jack? I'd like to know before I let him loose on Ianto. I don't relinquish my patients easily, you know that."

Jack smiled, a swell of pride settling around his heart. "He's my Doctor."

"The one you ran off with? Oh, bloody great, Ianto will lurve that!"

The cube was abruptly plonked back on the desk, the perfect orientation of the sides undone. "He can help. I trust him and Ianto needs the right kind of doctor."

Owen wasn't certain that Ianto would agree with that, but then Ianto wasn't in any condition to offer an opinion right now.

"In the meantime?"

"We just do what we can for him. Tosh and Gwen will be here in a couple of hours…. We'll work something out, we have to, even if it means freezing him for a spell."


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Once again, beta'd by the lovely Jessie Blackwood (thank you) and I had less mistakes this time too…..Got the dissertation done as well! For all you romantics out there, have a lovely Valentine's Day.**

**This is dedicated to Greg Fuller 1965 – 1998.**

**RESIGNED PART 16**

"Doctor."

"Hello Jack."

The two men eyed one another with a degree of uncertainty, the events of a vanished year both behind and between them. The bitter East wind whipped up their coat tails as it swept across the deserted Plas. The Doctor stood in the reassuring doorway of his faithful time machine, one hand on the door as he fought to quash the feeling of discomfort that always came with his proximity to his immortal, former companion.

"You sent me message, about your Welshman?"

Jack's hands were in his pockets, for some reason he felt the need to appear relaxed, an unconscious effort to assure his friend and mentor that all was well, even though it wasn't.

"Yes, something has happened to him and this time I don't know how to fix it, I was hoping you could help."

The Doctor stepped forwards, closing the blue door at his back. He glanced around and smiled at the early morning sunlight.

"Its going to be a lovely day." He commented.

Jack took a moment to follow his gaze. "Yes, it is." He wondered if the Doctor were travelling alone now and hoped that he wasn't.

"So…er." Jack hesitated.

The Doctor collected himself and flashed an impish grin. "Well you'd best take me to him. I've come a long way. Had to drop Donna off at her Mum's house and pop in on Sarah Jane, do you know Sarah at all?"

Jack felt himself physically relax, and found himself smiling properly too. The Doctor's familiar banter was calming, a good indication that the relationship between them was on even ground, at least. "It's good to see you."

The Doctor paused, he met Jack's gaze with a smile. "It's good to see you too…..Oooh, does this mean I get to see your underground lair?"

"Lair? I'll have you know it's very homely down there." Jack responded with mock indignity. "So how is Miss Smith?"

"She's very well."

"I'm glad to hear it. I've yet to meet her, but we've been keeping an eye. That lady sure knows how to handle herself though."

The Doctor was glowing with pride. "She most certainly does and I am pleased to hear that you have her back."

"Always Doc, she's a companion and I am glad she adopted that kid, Luke." Jack led the way to the tourist office since the lift had the TARDIS sitting right on top of it. The Doctor strolled alongside him.

"So Torchwood, eh?"

Jack offered up a toothy grin. "I have a good team Doc, you'll like them. We try our best."

"So what happened to Mr Jones?"

"I'm not sure. Ianto was away on leave and then he just disappeared into thin air and just as mysteriously turned up on our doorstep a few weeks later. Trouble is he no longer remembers who he is and has no idea what happened to him. Our efforts to help him only seem to trigger painful seizures and my medic cannot determine the cause of any of it."

The Doctor listened intently, recalling what had happened to the Welshman during 'that year'. He wondered whether or not to tell Jack, but had decided against it, there was no reason to upset his friend over something that technically didn't happen at all.

"So he wasn't injured or ill then?"

Jack shook his head as he pulled a bunch of keys from his coat pocket and unlocked the rather unglamorous entrance to the Hub. The Doctor followed him into dingy, though spotlessly clean, tourism office. He gazed about as Jack locked up.

"Not like Canary Wharf then."

Jack grinned. "Nothing like. This place was built in the nineteenth century." He hit the button for the 'secret' door. "Trust me Doc, we don't operate along the same lines as Hartman's regime did and quite frankly I am never going to listen to a politician ever again."

Gwen and Tosh were both waiting eagerly by the cog door when Jack and the Doctor stepped through.

"Doc this is Gwen Cooper and To….."

"Toshiko Sato, we meet again." The Doctor shook her hand enthusiastically and Tosh was blushing furiously, surprised that the enigmatic Timelord remembered her. "And Gwen, well you look just like… Do you come from an old Cardiff family?"

Gwen just smiled in surprise as he grasped her hand.

"Well, yes."

The Doctor was smiling broadly as he turned to Jack. "I like them already, this little team of yours."

Jack's chest swelled with delight and pride.

A movement high above his head caught their attention. "Good lord is that a…..?"

"Yep, we have a pterodactyl too, though Ianto insists it's a pteranodon."

"And he'd be right too, she's a beauty, did she come through the Rift?" The Doctor continued to watch Myfanwy's path in awe as she flew overhead, cawing excitedly.

"Yeah, Ianto normally takes care of her, it was him that found her." Jack's heart suddenly sank. "Come on, I'll take you to him."

The Doctor followed with Gwen and Tosh trailing behind. The two girls stood together on the observation level and Jack and the Doctor stepped down into Owen's domain.

"Owen, meet the Doctor, Doc, this is Dr Owen Harper, my medic."

Owen eyed the stranger with mild suspicion but stuck out his hand anyway. The Doctor shook the proffered hand and nodded a greeting. He turned his gaze to Ianto, who was asleep on the autopsy table, under a blanket, Owen's bank of monitors positioned by his head.

"This is Ianto." Owen gestured. "I presume Jack has filled you in on the details?"

Jack was shaking his head as he went to Ianto's side. "No, I thought I'd leave that with you." He gently petted Ianto's hair.

Owen picked up his charts and watched as the Doctor stepped up to the bedside and took a long look at his patient.

"How long has he been like this?"

Owen shrugged. "We're not sure, but it could be as long as 5 weeks or as little as 48 hours, that's all we have to go on." He offered his notes and the Doctor took them. Jack, meanwhile turned his attention to Gwen and Tosh.

"Tosh do we have anything on the predictor for today?"

"Yes, this afternoon, looks like it could be quite a big spike too, but I don't have a location fix yet."

"Ok, keep an eye on it. Gwen, could you please bring some tea to the briefing room?"

Both women nodded and left the area.

"Thank you." Jack called as they departed.

The Doctor was intent on the charts in his hands as Owen stood by, ready to answer any queries. Jack stood there holding his breath, waiting for one of them to speak, but he was startled by a moan from Ianto. Three sets of eyes settled on the prone patient and Jack gently resumed carding his fingers through Ianto's lank hair.

"Ssshh, it's okay Ianto." He said gently.

Wide blue eyes blinked up at him and confusion masked Ianto's pale face.

"Jack?"

"Hey there."

Owen was immediately attentive.

"How's the pain, Ianto?"

Ianto turned his head to face the medic on the other side of him. "Not so bad as it was, thank you." Came the quiet reply.

"You're welcome mate. We've brought in another Doctor to take a look at you, is that alright?"

Ianto nodded. "Yes." He closed his eyes briefly. "May I have a drink of water?"

Jack smiled. "Yes, I'll just go and fetch it." He turned to the others. "Looks like I shall be bringing your tea down here Doctor."

The Doctor was intent on the charts in his hands. "That would be lovely Jack."

Ianto wanted to sit up, but he felt washed out, so he lay there gazing at the white tiled ceiling high above, not really listening to the voices around him. He didn't want to listen, didn't want to think, didn't want to remember. He closed his eyes again and contented himself with just relaxing and letting others do the worrying for him, he was just too tired. He dozed in a haze of cotton wool and it took him sometime to realise that someone was gently shaking his arm and speaking to him.

"….Hey, I brought some water. Do you think you can sit up?"

Ianto blinked at Jack, whose face was close to his. Ianto could smell spices and the scent made him relax in a way he could not understand. It didn't matter, he smiled faintly anyway.

"I think I need a hand." He replied quietly. Suddenly there were many hands on him, gently easing him upright until he was able to recline against a stack of pillows and bedding.

Ianto looked at the three men who had helped him up.

"Thanks."

Jack helped with the glass of water and Ianto sipped at it through a straw. When he'd had enough he thanked Jack again. He was aware of the three sets of eyes watching him.

"Ianto, this is my friend, the Doctor, he's going to take a look at you, is that ok?" Jack was sitting on a stool at his left side and just nodded, looking at the new arrival, who seemed familiar to him. He watched as the man put down Owen's medical charts and focussed his sharp gaze on Ianto himself.

"Hello Ianto. I'm not going to ask you too many questions, because I suspect stimulating your memory is what has brought on the pain. However having read Dr Harper's notes I'd like your permission to have a look inside your head, if that's alright."

Ianto tensed visibly. "You want to cut open my head?" His hands fisted into the sheets, making his knuckles go as white as the fabric covering him. He saw Owen glancing worriedly at his monitors.

The Doctor was smiling at him, kindly. "No, no." He pointed to his own head. "No I can see into your mind, if you'll …. Well it's bit like reading a book, but I need your willingness to open the cover."

Ianto looked from this Doctor to Jack, who offered up a reassuring grin. "It's alright Ianto, it doesn't hurt. I trust him."

Ianto was reluctant and watched as Jack's hand covered one of his own and gave a gentle squeeze. "We're just trying to help, but he can't do it without your consent."

"Look mate, I'll be here, making sure you're safe."

Ianto looked at Owen, surprised by the words and then wondering why he should be. After some minutes he finally relented and nodded his head.

"Alright. Do it."


End file.
